Chrissy Puked Twice

It was the darkest night
There was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin'
'Cause the sky's too tight
Heard the scarey wind
I seen the ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
'Long the side of me

I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . .
'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

It was 11 o'clock upon a Friday night
You know the girl and me was feeling outta' sight
We had twenty reds and a big ol' pile of weed
You know we drank some wine and then we LSD'd

Chrissy puked twice and jumped on my bike
She yelled, "Fire it up, 'cause you know what I like!"
She burned her leg on a tail-pipe then
And yelled, "Shit-a-ree!", and puked again

I noticed even the crickets
Were actin' weird up here
'N so I said
"Well, come on and let's drink a little beer"
I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . "
But there was no reply
'Cause she was gone . .

"Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!"
Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . .
He's about this big . .

He had a red suit on
An' a widow's peak
An' then a pointed tail
'N like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him awright
You know I knew it was
He had some human flesh
Stuck underneath his claws
You know, it looked to me
Like it was titty skin
I said, "You sonofabitch!"
'Cause I was mad at him
He just got out his floss
'N started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said: BANG BANG BANG

The sucker just laughed 'n said:

Terry:
Oh, put it away . .
You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?

FZ:
You ate my Chrissy?

Terry:
Yeah! Titties 'n all!

FZ:
Well, what about the beer then?

Terry:
Ah . . . Were the cans this tall?

FZ:
Even her boots?

Terry:
Now, would I lie to you?

FZ:
Shit, you musta been hungry!

Terry:
Yeah, this is true

FZ:
Don't they pay you good
For the stuff you do?

Terry:
Well, you know
I can't complain when the checks come through . .

FZ:
I want my Chrissy

Terry:
Yeah?

FZ:
I want my beer

Terry:
So what?

FZ:
You just puke it back up, boy
Do you hear?

Terry:
Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
I mean, I am the Devil
Do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your
Titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here . .

FZ:
Yer goddam right, you
Son-of-a-whore

Terry:
Don't call me that!

FZ:
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . .
Gimme that paper . . . bet yer ass I'll sign . .
Because I need a beer
'N it's titty-squeezin' time!

Terry:
Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . .
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . .

FZ:
Oh, yeah?

Terry:
There was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . .
'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . .

FZ:
Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, after all you're the Devil, now . .
Whatcha gonna do? Come on!

Terry: What am I gonna do?
FZ: You can— You can have my soul . .
Terry: What?
FZ: It's a mean little sucker, 'bout a thousand years old . .
Terry: You want me to take . . . ?
FZ: But once you gets it . .
Terry: Oh, no
FZ: You can't give it back . .
Terry: Wha—
FZ: You gotta keep it forever . .
Terry: Oh . .
FZ: And that's a natural fact
Terry: Forever?
FZ: Do you understand me, am I making myself perfectly clear to you?
Terry: Man, well, I don't know if I want you around Hell forever
FZ: Take my soul
Terry: I mean . .
FZ: Take my soul! I don't care
Terry: Oh, no . .
FZ: Who needs a soul anymore?
Terry: No, wait a minute, you got those funky things growing in your hear, you . .
FZ: Really. Who needs it?
Terry: Oh, you're crazy, man!
FZ: I'd rather have beer!
Terry: Wait— Oh, no, wait, you're freaking me out . .
FZ: Take my soul, give me the beer
Terry: You want— No, wait, hold it, wait!
FZ: Give me the beer and the titties!
Terry: No, hold it, wait, wait, wait!
FZ: Give me the titties!
Terry: Titties, beer, wait!
FZ: Give me more beer
Terry: WAIT!
FZ: Give me bigger titties!
Terry: No, wait . . . No, wait, please, please . .
FZ: Bigger titties and more beer. And hockey!
Terry: NO!
FZ: And give me football!
Terry: NOOO!
FZ: And give me baseball!
Terry: Wait!
FZ: And give me titties and beer and television!
Terry: Titties, beer and baseball, with television!
FZ: And give me . .
Terry: No, wait!
FZ: Give me everything
Terry: Wait . .
FZ: Take my soul, but . .
Terry: God help me
FZ: Mostly the titties
Terry: Oh . .
FZ: Just give me the titties
Terry: Wait, wait . . . NOOOOO!

Terry:
No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think . .
I mean . . . hold on, boy . .
'Cause that's Magic Ink!

And then the Devil puked
'N out jumped m'girl
They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN', that's right!
All around the world

"I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A COUPLE OF DOWNS
AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO JUST FUCK YOU CLOWNS!"

Then she gave us the finger
It was rigid 'n stiff
That's when the Devil, he farted
An' she went right over the cliff

"OH! . . . "

Oh, she had such a good time going down . .

The Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?
I swear I do declare!
How did she get back there?

FZ: Awright! Now we have a song for lovers only. Pay close attention to this . .