Carol’s First Bad Summer

I used to be afraid of the beach
I used to keep away from the city streets
And I just lied and said I am who I am
The sum of my hesitations

Now I still feel guilty when I give in
Like half a fucking milligram’s a cardinal sin
But I admit I think I like who I am
When I'm taking medication

‘cause i didn’t plan to have a panic attack
In the Sepulveda pass
But i could’ve made it count for something
A productive interruption

But hey your brother’s getting married
And your hackles are up
What the fuck?
‘cause we’re still playing Dreamcast
On the floor of his room
Trying not to make the sun rise
‘cause therе’s leaves to rake outsidе

What if I started taking care of my health?
What if I told my family how I felt?
Do you think the ground would open up and swallow me?
Probably spontaneously

‘cause I didn’t mean to make a hell of a scene
Thought I was dead at sixteen
But I could’ve learned some kind of lesson
What a waste of epinephrine

But hey your friends are outside waiting
And you’re nursing your nerves
What a curse
And now we’re making school films
In the basement again
Oh shit I think we’re problematic
But time was real
We had it