Can’t Take It Back

They’ve all seen me, right?
And I mean seen me really, all my different sides
They’ve seen me laugh, seen me cry, seen me smile, seen me wish I wanna die, seen me at my most alive, but
I feel like I don’t know myself
I feel like a part of me is stuck up on a shelf and

I wanna know what’s holding me back
I need to get right, get myself back on track

So open up your eyes
‘Cause you’re not stuck inside a room
You’re just stuck inside your mind
And everyone outside of it tells you-you’ll be fine
So instead of saying “help” you just tell ‘em “never mind”, yeah

I know what that’s like
Just trust me, I do
But I’m not gonna tell you some bullshit line
Just so though you think I know what you’re going through

It’s so easy to remember
All the times that you surrendered
To the darkness living in your brain

I’ll forgive you if you relapse
Don’t you dare let yourself collapse
You are stronger than your pain

I can give advice any day of the week
But if it’s for myself it’s a promise I can’t keep
And I know that makes me a hypocrite
I just hope one day that I’ll grow out of it

So
This is where I am right now
I get up but then I fall right back down
I don’t know what gravity has against me
I just wish i knew why I felt so empty

But it’s not all the time
I mean most days I’m basically fine
I don’t even know what I mean by that
If I tried to explain it’d just fall flat
Just fall flat
Can’t take it back
I can’t

Can't take it back no this ain't a return receipt
Guess if I really wanted it I'd be in a hearse you see
Surrounded by old memories like I'm in a purse
Nobody really knows me I guess I am just hard to read
But fuck that
You think I got this far by just dwelling?
Kissing bullets, deprecating, jumping over my railing
Talking to the devil like it was my soul I was selling but in reality I really would have missed the deli so...

I stick around for the little things
Twilight sky, some fries, and my golden guy
Hanging with my bald sister playing golden eye
Searching for the light, gravity can push me past my overbite

I guess it was really tough then
I needed someone who was more than a friend
5 years later, I'm less of a masturbator
Got new friends, call em my gators
Pay no mind to a hater
Fresh

I put myself into places
I don’t even try escaping
One day I will

Desperation, loneliness and aggravation
I don’t know how I really feel

I wasn’t lying
I really can’t