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We'll have beautiful children but they won't talk to the press
Oh, they'll be photogenic as hell, but terminally depressed
We'll auction their hair off for cancer patients, the blogs will be impressed
We'll make the worst records of our career and let the nanny do the rest

I think I'm making a comeback, I couldn't have done it without you there
I think I'm signing a contract to play telethons and county fairs

And I'm ready to make the commitment
You can come along for the ride
We'll go on tour, and blow off shows
And make every single one of our fans cry

I'll get my guitar out of hock; we can share it, we won't need two
Eventually the kids will eventually wonder why Daddy's lips are perpetually blue
And we'll laugh, we'll remind them that kids are good P.R
We'll make out on the VMA's and make ourselves really big stars

I think I'm making a comeback, I couldn't have done it without you there
I think I'm signing a contract to play telethons and county fairs

And I'm ready to make the commitment
You can come along for the ride
We'll go on tour, and we'll blow off shows
And make every single one of our fans cry out that we're calculated
We'll make them cry against their mother's breast
Well, who needs happiness when you've got indie cred?

I think I'm making a comeback, I couldn't have done it without you there
I think I'm signing a contract to play telethons and county fairs

But I'm ready to make the commitment
You can come along for the ride
We'll go on tour, and we'll blow off shows
And make every single one of our fans cry