Blues My Naughty Sweetie Gives to Me

[DAVID SHAYNE, spoken]
And don't worry, I plan for us to get married
[ELLEN, spoken]
When?
[DAVID SHAYNE, spoken]
When is it? It's June 28th? July, August, September
In six years

[ELLEN]
There are blues that you get from worry
There are blues that you get from pain
And there are blues when you're lonely
For your one and only
The blues you can never explain

There are blues that you get from longing
But the bluest blues that be
Are the sort of blues that's on my mind
They're the very meanest kind
The blues my naughty sweetie gives to me

[ELLEN & DAVID SHAYNE]
There are blues that you get from hunger
There are blues that drive you insane (Who needs marriage?)
There are blues when you're lonely
For your one and only
The blues you can never explain (Who's it for?)

There are blues when you're still unmarried (Van Gogh never married)
They're the worst I guarantee (Flaubert never married)
I want a wedding
That wedding, oh, he's dreading
Jesus Christ never married! He never even dated!

I got the blues 'cause I'm a failure
Our wedding plans are staler
Than day-old pumpernickel bread
The blues 'cause he's artistic
And very narcissistic
I'm single in our double bed
We'll fight then after tears are shed
He'll write down every word I've said (That's good)
My ma's ashamed that I'm not wed
My pa told the neighbors that I'm dead!

I got the blues 'cause I'm a failure (Marriage)
Our wedding plans are staler (What's the point of marriage?)
Than day-old pumpernickel bread (We don't need marriage)
The blues 'cause he's artistic
And very narcissistic (That the artist ignores)
I'm single in our double bed (That empty void)
We'll fight then after tears are shed (If you will a vacuum)
He'll write down every word I've said (A sort of vacuum that nature abhors)
My ma's ashamed that I'm not wed
My pa told the neighbors that I'm dead!

[ELLEN, spoken}
David, I want us to get married
[DAVID SHAYNE, spoken]
I hear you
But you have to understand that marriage is a very serious decision
Like suicide

[ELLEN]
These kinds of blues will rule my life
'Til the day we're man and wife
The blues my naughty sweetie gives to me
I've got 'em bad!