Big Rubber Bumper

You need a big rubber bumper
So it won't hurt at all
A big rubber bumper
So it's safe when you fall
A big rubber bumper
Oh, your rubber bumper
You need a big rubber bumper
So you won't feel the shock
A big rubber bumper
Be the first on your block
To get a big rubber bumper
So you won't have to cry

So there's this guy
He's got a seatbelt on his armchair
Says it makes him feel safe
He's got an oxygen mask
That'll drop down in case of an emergency
Say's his seat cushion can be used
As a flotation device... hmm...
Wonder if he knows how to land this thing

A big rubber bumpеr
So you won't hurt at all
A big rubber bumper
So it's safe whеn you fall
A big rubber bumper
Oh, your rubber bumper
You need a big rubber bumper
As your line of defense
A big rubber bumper
'Cause it only makes sense
To get a big rubber bumper
So you won't have to cry

Let me bounce this off you
There's this girl
Won't answer the phone
You never know who it might be
She won't open the mail
'Cause who knows who could be in there
Say, there's a big monster
On the porch just waiting for her
Well, I drove by her house the other day
And you know what? She's right

A big rubber bumper
So you won't feel the pain
A big rubber bumper
And you got to maintain
A big rubber bumper
Oh, your rubber bumper
You need a big rubber bumper
So nobody gets in
A big rubber bumper
It can be your best friend
A big rubber bumper
So you won't have to (three, four) cry

See, just because you're paranoid
Doesn't mean they aren't out to get you