Bender vs. Arcane (Title Match)

[Round 1: Bender]
Little man, take lessons
This is the kind of performance that makes legends
So consider this a great blessing you'll have your name mentioned in the same sentence
'Cause your battles got the replay value of a lottery ticket
But there's a couple, moments, that we gotta revisit
One, you called The Saurus a statutory rapist
Tryna win the crowd with some inflammatory statements
You were only mad he'd ever had a shorty naked who didn't ask him for a payment up in cash before he laced it
This man is corny, tasteless, average, boring, basic
Bland and formulaic, vastly short of greatness
Stand before me shaking, shake the hand of your replacement
Think you can ignore this blatant fact, sadly you're mistaken
Besides, we all seen you tryna mack on those teenagers
I bet you got a, ripe young Catholic schoolgirl for a screensaver
Picture him at the bus stop, waiting for 'em after classes
He plays it like a game of blackjack: over 17, he passes
Y'all remember that Chilean mining accident, months had transpired
'Fore they could lower down a rescue team hooked up to a bundle of wires
Now you got jealous every time they'd pull up another survivor
'Cause no one ever applauded when you dug out a minor
Now I'm sorry to stoop to his level with all these pedophilia jokes
But we all saw that footage, of you jerking a 17-year-old
And you tried to fuck with Charron, why? Because of that dome line?
It was nothing to go cry about grumbling the whole time, pick on someone your own size
At least someone your own age, I'm double your whole weight but that's something you won't try
After that you knew you weren't fuckin' with Loe's rhymes
You went digging dirt with hopes you'd discover a gold mine
Desperate to go find just a couple of dope lines
But found nothing, so this puppet said "Fuck it", and told lies
But that's just what the desperate do, destined to
Reveal themselves as destitute
That's the second right there I lost all respect for you
Not even on some battle shit, we all saw down to the depth of you
So when you try to jump in the cut and get no shine or no love, when someone snub you in public you'll know why, bitch made
But he's like that with his boys, that's something we all know
You'd think he's skimpin' on grams the way 'Cane cums in a small Dose
And on behalf of battle rappers everywhere, fuck off wit' your cheap merch
No one wants to wear your busted three dollar T-shirt
Motherfucker, I got nothing to lose
I will piss on your ride like Detroit Velvet Smooth

[Round 1: Arcane]
I'ma need y'all to shut the fuck up, all eyes front and center
I'ma give y'all something to remember
Witness your number one contender get dismembered then discovered in a blender
Y'all made me wait four months for this shit? Doughboy coulda got dummied in September
But Bender been in school tryna finish up another semester
That's why I laugh when Schoolly D rapping 'bout criminal violence
He's a full-time student, he majors in Political Science
So how you gon' rap about horror, when you dream of a planet without war?
You ain't a fan of gore Al, you a big fan of Al Gore
That's why I keep the chain, 'cause I'm fresher
I'll crack your frame under pressure, you wanna trade with an expert I'll leave you laying in a stretcher
It's 'Cane versus Bender
Til I beat the shit out the big guy with the beard, make it look like this was Cain versus Lesnar
If y'all people thought I was gonna lose, let me snuff that misconception
I ain't come here to battle I came to teach this fuckin' bitch a lesson
I don't need to bust a Smith & Wesson to give his stomach indigestion
If you supposed to be a Bender, I'm the fucking intervention
See talk is cheap, he went online 'bout how he gon' and try and body me
The next day he sobered up and sent me a fuckin' private apology
I guess Benders blow the most on dope, then wind up comatose and choke
Well this Bender ends with the 'Cane, like you overdosed on coke
'Cane straight bugging, so how you think you could ever insult me with those irrelevant multis when you ain't sayin' nothing?
I ain't got the AK dumpin'
But if this bitch getting close to me the blade may cut him, get him stitched like upholstery
See I could do that style but I got better bars
I don't need to let the metal spark
I swing blades on this Sling Blade and leave machete scars
You ain't rookie of the season
But since you like those similes and metaphors
I'll beat him till this old pussy stop bleeding, like menopause
Maxed out credit cards, stuff him in a truck of rental cars
With severed arms, seven large, weapons charged, like Bender bars
And when duke gets all amped up, and his voice start gettin' louder
That's when Bender gets to soundin' like a monster truck announcer

[Round 2: Bender]
Now basing on the tapes of your performances, and the way that you're distortin' shit
I'm surprised you haven't, claimed I jerked a horse's dick while raping 30 orphans in some crazy German porno flick
'Cause I can't even keep track of all the lies you fabricated
For a one-dimensional rapper, that's one wild imagination
That's why no artist respects him, I'm Mozart resurrected
You're in deep shit, the Coast Guard would need sonar to detect him
Tell miss to hop in a go-cart and go start up the engine or end up in the OR picking bone shards out your tendons
Cold-hearted, I think like a loan shark that's collectin'
You had no bars for the most part and so far it's pathetic
See I can appreciate when a rapper like you goes hard in a session
But nine times out of ten that's just a ho starved for attention like postpartum depression
Now I think it might be a bad year for some of you divas
Y'all sent this Ikea cashier to fuck with the meanest
See me cut him, deconstruct him, into hundreds of pieces
And put him in a box, complete with the instructions in Swedish
See he ain't even good on the ave where he lives
This little runt crack a smile see 'Cane get jacked for his shit
Drum sampler style, they take the hat and the kicks
And if son's acting wild the chain gets snatched, just like this
Sorry player, brought swords and sabres waging war's my nature
Ganik just threw a fish to a killer like a orca trainer
If I'm short on paper swarm on 'Cane he's just a source of pay dirt
You're a raver, you beating me's 'bout as likely as Spike Lee getting that mule and forty acres
We could go another round, I'll give you extra time like poor behavior
The organ taker, coordinate your fate when I storm the gates you can't afford to wager
I'll lock jaws with a Florida gator
Who the fuck is you? Your whole crew funny style like George and Kramer
See I'm a cannibal rapper, northern Vordul Mega of course I'm greater than this corny flake, got punchlines forming craters
You're in mortal danger, bow down, pray to your Lord and Savior
I ain't even wasted Gloria Gaynor, Georges Lemaitre, Norman Bates or Norman Mailer, Morley Safer, the Foreign Beggars or the real Noriega
Swarming out the hornets' lair
My name got more buzz than 'Cane
You must be buzzed on 'caine to think you nice, you shoulda tucked that chain
Someone explain to stupid you can't, test a fucking genius
With a, mushroom cloud for a brain and a, Tesla coil for a double helix
Now he's panicked that I wrote this, braggadocious magnum opus and you'll notice that he's stoic as this moment fast approaches
But that's all an act, balderdash, he knows his chance is hopeless
That title's only as respected as the motherfucking man that holds it
Straight bars, no bullshit

[Round 2: Arcane]
I know I got haters
And how'd I know you were gonna say I make up fake shit
But nah that ain't true, it's only twice I got bad information
Bender's just mad 'cause he's been working on a album his whole life called Bad Information
You mad 'cause, the one time I drop bad information, I still made 'em believe
When Bender drop Bad Information, he gave 'em away for free 'cause it's a four-track CD-R that came in a paper sleeve
And for those of y'all who don't know, some bullshit happened when Bender battled Scott Free
Question, if the judges at the venue voted against you how'd you body in three?
'Cause Loe Pesci overruled the decision, made it what he thought it should be
That's why that video featured some special guests at the end that were not in your league
Straight up, ya' boy Pesci tried to tamper with the evidence
I already made an example of ya' president
Now you think his henchman can handle me? I'm dismantling his penmanship
'Cause lyrically, you get buried with gunshots
When I battle I don't need my president to jump in, and pull a Harry from Jumpoff
That presidential cosign won't help you get a loan at the bank faggot
Not when you look like Tank Abbott wit' a fucking crank habit
If you so intelligent, why you always making irrelevant threats?
Rocking that huge beard to cover his double chin 'cause it looks like a fucking pelican's neck
I don't know if that hobo swagger come from some weird type of genome
But I swear I seen this dude manicure that mangy beard with a flea comb
Always wiping his filthy sleeves with his snot nose, you smell like the cheese off a nacho
Bender, you such a dirty hippie you probably got fleas in your ponchos
And this motherfucker, it's true, he's actually from the 905, and I got a homie that knows you from St. Catharines
He told me you were always just that lonely overweight fat kid
My homie seen you every day back then, he told me you were the quiet type, no balls
You didn't pipe no broads or incite no brawls
You just loitered in the husky section at White Oaks Mall
That's true. he told me your best friend back then was a dude named Jordan Cotler, you remember Jordan Cotler?
That dude was sorta your partner
He used to help you write your shit and make it morbid and darker
It's too bad you never said goodbye before your departure
When you stole your homie's shit, went to the bus station and boarded a charter
Fast forward to Ottawa, don't act like you don't remember
When I heard that shit it kinda reminded me of Jonathan Bender
See Jonathan Bender was a Toronto draft pick that never played one game for the Raptors
He got traded for Davis, and after that his game just stayed stagnant
So just remember, the name Bender, will never hang from these damn rafters
'Cause Toronto already skated on Bender, like Bender skated on his friends in St. Catharines

[Round 3: Bender]
My best friend was Jordan Cutler, and that shit is right
I will give you his fucking phone number, he has never rapped in his life
Now I ain't write no jokes about your sister or mother 'cause that's sick
But I might just tell that true story 'bout you suckin' your dad's dick
Now I am not 120 pounds, nor am I seventeen
With that in consideration, did you still wanna mess with me?
Now choose your weaponry, removing useless goofs like you's my specialty
I'm the type to ruin loops in studio booths extensively
You're the type to smuggle in a couple Cuban refugees, and refuse to let them leave your room for several weeks while you fuse yourself between them in a Human Centipede
From deep space I paint scenes that replay visually
Each page conjures nightmare and dreamscape imagery
You named your CD 'Arcane', is this pea-brain kiddin' me?
Right there's a window into your creativity
I'm undefeated, I know a record ain't worth shit
It's no excuse for your album, that record ain't worth shit
Twelve tracks about hustlin', he know what the science is
Ain't just talking 'bout sales when I tell you no one is buyin' it
Now you wanna play hardball with me
I study Starkology, punk your Clark Wallabees
Go collabo' with Vado still won't be large on the streets, you ain't no hard rock OG you probably narc on your team
And when you start coppin' pleas, I hope they frame you for, armed robbery, a narcotic siege, and a car-bombing spree
Then lock you in a cell with Mark "Chopper" Read and some Russian mafiosos with stars on their knees
And have the guards toss the keys
Nah I'm just kiddin I wouldn't really, wish prison on him I'm just shitting on him
Just 'cause every time he tries to play the bully my skin is crawling
'Cause he do fuck all against someone bigger, see Knamelis, in grave robbery
I'm a pit bull, by the end of this round you'll be tryin' to put a chain on me
Bitch rappers run for they lives when they see me approach
'Cause when it comes to these lines I'm in a league of my own
But my career just hit a cold snap, I went from 24 to this absolute zero and now some bum's 'bout to die after being exposed
You paid the judges off to beat that dude Corey, true story
I had your woman playing House like Hugh Laurie, true story
See that's what you do, spin some yarns and pull the wool, to mask the fact you're too borin'
But no one's buying that bullshit anymore, true story

[Round 3: Arcane]
Your diet plan should include less cookie dough and more salad
If you 6 and 0 this battle fit to blowtorch ya' average
Fuck a home court advantage, I'll put the bull's-eye on him, have his shit spillin' out the sides like a pulled pork sandwich
See if I aim and squeeze the fifth, Bender's brains'll leave his wig
And I found you a graveyard with the perfect place for me to dig
But your frame's so big and thick, I bet you ain't gon' even fit
You're beyond The Biggest Loser, you should be on a show called "The Lamest Piece Of Shit"
When I rock beats on stage, I shut that shit down
When Bender goes to all-you-can-eat buffets, he shuts that shit down
Man, I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind
Bender got his mind on his tummy and he's hungry all the time
So the way your little legs hold up all of that weight defies physics
You should try fitness, no wonder you ain't pullin' fly bitches
If I was stuck in a plane, beside this fat smelly fuck for five minutes
That's the only time I'd ever be concerned with Flight Distance
So if anybody said Bender was a beast or a monster
They musta seen him, eating a lobster with bacon grease on his pasta
He's in a locker room, tryna catch a seat in the sauna
With his mixtape full of remix beats by Rihanna
I bet you'd suck the peach out a cobbler, you been obese since a toddler
How the fuck did this whale wash up on a beach in Toronto?
And why you name yourself after a cartoon robot, fatty?
A dude with tits that comes with a fake pussy, post-op tranny
Not to mention, you a fucking peace-loving hippie
And y'all think B's fucking with me?
I ain't handing over the keys to my city to a dude with D-cups for titties
I feel bad you spent four months in that rehearse nonsense
But you'd only beat me if this was a wet T-Shirt contest
Muhfucka, these titties hanging like a chandelier
You need a man brassiere
Look like somebody tried to disguise a panda bear in flannel gear
The champ is here, so after I end your damn career go get a can of beer
And use that giant Santa beard to soak up all your manly tears
Ever since you was a kid you was a sloppy fat little fuck
Lucky for him he had a soccer mom and a hockey dad, giddy up
But every time they tried to put you in Pilates class you'd give it up
So I'ma put this fatty in a double wide body bag, zip him up