Barney Stinson vs. Sheldon Cooper

[Intro]
(Sitcom Laugh Track)
RAP BATTLE!
BARNEY STINSON
VS
SHELDON COOPER
BEGIN

[Verse 1: Barney Stinson]
Ted, hold my drink, where are all the blondes hidden?
I came here to pick up chicks, not pick fights with chickens
'Cause wimps like you just aren't my type of women
Freeze!
Here's how I put the bar in Barney Stinson
I can tell you're lacking any friends to love
Work alone 'cause you don't have good chemistry with anyone
And your look is flavourless like all of your later skits
You really took your character development and said "Wait for it"
The Fahrenheit is just as numbing as your face tonight
Gеt your mom to test your case of (gasp) crazy eyеs
But I can tell you're slow, so I'll explain it in your slang
How I Met Your Mother? It started with a Big Bang

[Verse 2: Sheldon Cooper]
I'll have you know I'm a theoretical physicist
But I bet that this idiot doesn't get what the difference is
I just can't watch how you're collecting numbers at your friends' cost
Take a seat, Swarley, and listen to my Ted talk
Welcome to Fun With Flags, we got a red flag today
Which was raised by many of Barney's questionable plays
There's a line of sexual harassment charges against you, stud
Better law... (laughs) suit up
You're the greatest at dating? A most illogical statement
I've done the math on your playbook and after various equations
I've found if you plug the numbers erase pity as a factor
The sum of women you end up with is equal to your actor
And I'm the master at conducting these tracks
I thought you had fire magic, you should have used it in your raps
But when it comes to making sense, I'm swimming in many
While nowadays you're struggling to earn a (knocks) penny

[Verse 3: Barney Stinson]
Tell that laugh track that plays after every two words
Your showrunners are Sith Lords forcing laughs at this loser
I call dibs on babes before they take off their blouse
You call dibs on printing your asscheeks on the couch
Your jokes are way too basic, like who the hell would say this?
It's no surprise a scientist's humor is formulaic
I'm too sick, you suck at everything that you do, kid
Call this battle virginity, it's the only time you'd lose it (Oh!)
You've gotten nowhere with the life path you're walking
What's you expect following in the footsteps of Stephen Hawking?
I invoke the Lemon Law, I'm ending this speed date
Only player you'll ever be in during PC games

[Verse 4: Sheldon Cooper]
Oh, you're right, I shouldn't target you
You got an awesome life and I'm jealous of your Barnitude
It's hard to pick the right chick to ring up
But even I can tell that Robin doesn't wanna be your sidekick, Bazinga!
From your dad's abandonment to the babies you're ditching
I'm fairly certain this battle marks your first real commitment
Before you'd suit up, you couldn't get anyone aroused
You were such a hippie, your first girl peaced out
Who's actually the one lacking social skills? You!
Fell in love with yourself because you had no one else to
You utterly disgust me
Leonard, please save me from this walking pile of STDs

[Outro]
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
THE NEXT RAP BATTLE IS ON THE WAY!