At the End

Verse I
We make what isn’t
I wasn’t able to deal with it
I couldn’t hear what was happening
I had needs and I know so did you

Letting us coexist
Might have been the best decision
The only healthy way to go about our lives
Now we are distant and spread in different locations

For a cause we are able to connect
We find together in the most odd situations
In search for comfort and peace
One decides to leave
The grief and hurt feels like a lasting stain
Until I unwrap thе drama and get to the core of my pain
No onе can save me from my wrongs
It lies within me to make that decision

Pain has a steady position
In the history of my family
I analyze my triggers for aggression
And work through them

Often, I hear „you are cold-hearted“
As a child, I thought that's what a male adult represented
A cold-hearted soldier

Sexuality within my relationships tend to be difficult
The fear of failure can make me crumble
Take my words and steal my breath

In that situation, I feel cornered and start using
Verbal violence to keep the facade of a strong man
My insecurities come from a painful sexual past of misunderstandings
Which do not erase my accountability

The more I get to understand liberation
The clearer I see a changing narrative of a man

Verse II
Getting sober
We are here for a reason
I'm an addict for weed
I'm an addict for liquor
I'm an addict for love
I'm asking Allah, please guide me past my demons
It’s difficult not to call you when it's the weekend
I am soaked in sweat
My diet needs an adjustment
Too much sugar and grease
My lungs are burning and screaming your name

On demand
Don’t hurt yourself
On demand
You know better
On demand
I want freedom
On demand
It is your duty
On demand
Where are you now

Verse III
I Have three black hearts tattooed on my body
My mother gave birth to three, we all have different fathers
My long kept family secret, the once who judged were many and twisted

In a hateful moment, my father told me
That he wouldn’t have children by a black woman
Because of the struggles he experienced
With his blackness
He was the biological father to me and two daughters
We all have different mothers