Art Carney’s Dream

[Verse 1]
In a dream about you, I snuck past St. Peter and the pearly gate
And then the alarm went off, and you were warned, ‘cause the sign flashed "second rate"
With my ears all full of wax and my hair greasy and crawling with lice
I ran over and hunkered down and hid there behind the tree of life
I saw the humble and the meek passing by the proud and important
But I kept my distance from them ‘cause I smelled like Ed Norton
And I kept cutting my feet on the blades of sharp diamond grass And all the sick and indecent things I’d done went by in just a flash
My singed beard caught the sweat, the tears, the blood, the crud, and the saliva
I had a mouth full of dirty sores and Vincent’s Angina
Got this feeling you and all the people knew all along that I was hiding over there
With my filthy little past and my dirty underwear

[Chorus 1]
Then I caught sight of you
And your beauty broke my heart
I hung back in the deep shadows
‘Cause I was stinking to high heavens
Well what could I do?
Your beauty broke my heart
Wanted to crawl back in my manhole then
‘Cause I was stinking to high heaven

[Verse 2]
Well, I admired the fine clothes of all the saints that were passing me by
In their pretty chiffon gowns, their wings, and their silk suits and ties
Their language was a foreign tongue, maybe Latin or Greek
But all the prayers that I whispered there to you were stupid, obscene and weak
And then I got this idea to cover myself in a thorny bush disguise
And laying low, I crept along the shores of the river of life
I, I saw a wondrous city of pure crystal with its streets all made of gold
And then I smoked a Camel cigarette and shivered there in the cold
I turned around and saw a beautiful mansion all going up in flames
There was a stone sign in the front yard, and on it someone had carved my name
And the angels rolled out a fire hose, they were trying to save the place
I felt they could probably use my help, but I, I didn’t dare show my face
And when the smoke had cleared, I cried out when I saw that everything was lost
There was no mansion anymore, just a single wooden cross
And then an angel tapped me on the shoulder, he said, "Boy, you sure do smell like sin
And this place is pretty crowded, but I, I think we can squeeze you in"

[Chorus 2]
Then I caught sight of you
And your beauty broke my heart
I looked at you
And your beauty broke my heart
Don't know what to do now
Don't know what to do now
Don’t know what to do now
‘Cause your beauty broke my
My little heart of heart
I realize [?]
My, my