Abuse(her)

My first relationship, my first love, I was ruthless
A rape victim at thirteen, who lacked content; I was clueless
Routinely being bullied for things out of my control
Maybe I finally found someone who'd stay until tomorrow
You did just that, asked the fat girl to be your girlfriend
The girl with protruding scars who ceased to have an outlet
Or somebody to care, I was happy you took the chance
She was overjoyed to play your little game of Heathers romance

For everything you did, I constantly got the blame
Had the label abuser all thе way till’ eleventh gradе
Even so, my closest still don't know the truth about you
And after years, I'm afraid to tell them, because I pray that isn’t you;
Anymore, not the manwhore that everybody loved
Who would tease me, taunt me, hit me, beat me, threaten with a gun
I knew you never had one, but sometimes I'd wish you'd got one
‘Cause the thrill would give me chills meaning the fun had only just begun

Can't you see me breaking down
Waltzing up and down my town?
Punching walls and breaking glass;
Levels I would not surpass
Hell why would you even call
If you're not gonna talk at all?
Are these pictures all you want?
Please leave me alone you cunt

That she, now a she/they, they have something to say
That little crybaby that loved you thinks about you every day
All the manic nights and trauma, and for what, because I loved you?
Dedicated everyday to be something useful towards you
But all those sacrifices turned me into the villain of the story
When I tried warning others of you, you'd tell them not to worry
Or tell others you were being abused, when that was never the case
Because the shit you pulled on me, you'd never tell to their face
Your victim-complex necessitates, it compelled me to hate
You and even then I laid wait to see if somehow you'd change
To see if maybe you’d wake up and see this isn’t okay
But my dreams were deterred, a Russian roulette game of crochet
In this moment as we speak, I stare glance at my boyfriend
Lying peacefully sleeping with a plushie in hand
He hates you much as I do, it's bad I selfishly hope
That’s he's dreaming about taking you out, the only antidote

Can't you see me breaking down
Waltzing up and down my town?
Punching walls and breaking glass;
Levels I would not surpass
Hell why would you even call
If you're not gonna talk at all?
Are these pictures all you want?
Please leave me alone you cunt
Man, you’re really on the hunt

I think it's kinda cool
I always (was) the fool
Your words were cruel I was the tool to make your ruler drool
I was your ruby-colored rose withering in decay
I hope karma catches up with you someday