a “moment”, since CLEARLY it’ll never be ok for society!!! (MY CRASHOUT.)

[Spoken]
Why... why?
You don't know the amount of times.. the amount of times...
You don't know the fact.. you-you don't know the fact
That I'm always forced to speak to people even out of my entire will
And when I express myself and I don't speak
People always think it's a problem
I've always my entire life, did things because other people did so
Do you know how exausting- no, you DON'T know how exausting it is
To pretend that things make sense, when it doesn't... it doesn't
I even dream about getting angry and fully lashing out
Because nobody will get it for years and years, and years
I don't care if you relate, no you don't relate
You don't understand what it's like fully
Because you don't know the things that I've did when I'm not around
You don't know anything
It doesn't matter how close you are to me, you don't fucking know
No one does
I don't even understand how I can slip
I don't even understand how I can even make a mistake
Or mess up even when I'm not trying to
How?
Someone please
How?
And of course, it'll never end, never
You can say it's the same cycle
But it's the same overanalyze- overanalyzation
The same one...

I’m a nice person, I really am
But why the fuck do I have to constantly be in fear of my expression?
Yes, get upset because I’m clearly panicking
Yes, get upset because I said my truth
GET UPSET BECAUSE OF HOW I PROCESS MY GODDAMN EMOTIONS?!?

You don’t know the amount of twisted things I’ve been dying to say
That would literally put me past therapy
You’re lucky I didn’t say it
I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m being offensive
I don’t give a fuck if you think that I’ll never blend in truly with the others
Because clearly I’ll never be what you fucking want!
And I’m sorry if I’m “too fidgety” for you
“Too quiet” for you
“Too soft” for you
“Too bright” for you
All these things that I could never fucking meet
But I’m supposed to care because you’re more “proper”, right?
I’m a nice person, I REALLY AM..

I’m trying, I really fucking am… but that’s not true, right?
Are those the words you wanted to hear?