A Good Hard Look

(spoken)
I think it's time we so-called "sensitive men" stopped kiddin' ourselves with all this crap about how guys in the Marines and garage mechanics and, you know, just generally macho guys about how they're insecure about their masculinity because they have little dicks, because that's crap and we all know it. Guys in the military, construction workers, football players; they have bigger dicks than you and I, and we might as well just accept it. Because it is stupid and dishonest for us to go around implying that us literary, intellectual, politically aware, feminist-type men are actually more confident than the insensitive, sexist, brute-type men because size doesn't matter, and even if it did, we have the bigger dicks, because this is bullshit. I think it is high time we all took a good hard look at our dicks and faced the music. Ask yourself if your dick is as big as, say, that guy who beat the shit out of you in high school who is now married to some absurdly attractive woman you're too "enlightened" to admit you lust after and who would never give you the time of day because, stupid as you might think she is, she's smart enough to know how little your dick is; she's smart enough to know that that guy who beat the shit out of you in high school, and would beat the shit out of you again in a second, has a much bigger dick and is a much better lay than you could ever hope to be, so: just admit it. You'll feel better once you accept it. I admit it. I accept it. And I'm not about to watch basketball games on television or join the Army or vote Republican just for the sake of a few extra inches. Forget it. It's not worth it. It's just not worth it