800 Pound Jesus

[Verse 1]
I saw a garage sale, pulled up in the yard
Found a statue of Jesus, it was eight feet tall
He held out His arms, and He seemed all alone
So I loaded Him up, and I drove Him home

[Verse 2]
Out by my driveway, He looks down the street
Long hair and sandals made of rebar and concrete
I painted Him white with a long purple robe
He's a Rock of Ages on our gravel road

[Chorus]
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
Standing taller than a tree
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
A bigger man than you or me

[Verse 3]
I thought losing my job was the end of the world
'Til my best pal ran off with my best girl
I felt suicidal with no real friends
So I walked outside with a rope in my hand

[Verse 4]
Out by the statue there's a big old tree
So I stood on His shoulders and I counted to three
I had every intention of buying the farm
But when I jumped off, He caught me in His arms

[Chorus]
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
Standing taller than a tree
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
A bigger man than you or me

[Verse 5]
I wanted to return the favor to Him
'Cause I never had a more solid friend
So I planted some flowers all around His feet
And I bought Him a flock of ceramic sheep

[Chorus]
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
Standing taller than a tree
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
A bigger man than you or me

[Tag]
He's a bigger man than you or me
Yeah