100 Producer Name Rap

[Verse 1]
It was just another day when I walked into Bar 9
Sat down and got talking to a girl I spied
She fine like Aphrodite
I said "Hi! I'm Dave, what's your name?"
She said "I'm Diana-Jane but you can call me DJ"
Hyped up, this girl seemed keen, I got talking more
She was a Gemini and liked water sports
And craft work and retro video games
"Like the SNES?" "Hell yeah, forget these hi-tech specs
16 bit, that's the golden age!"
Yo, things were going great
I ordered a drink so we could continue to conjugate
"I'll have a Max Martini - and you DJ?"
"I'll have a wine, a red one please, Dave"
We sat at a table, the waiter came
"What you hungry for DJ?"
"Fresh food is fine, I dunno, just feed me"
"Okay, let's get a dish of the day
And I'll take one of the same" The food came and we ate
"Wait, waiter - what's this?" "What's wrong, sir?"
"These fries are cold, I'd expect hot chips and they're not chrispy
And the bloody beetroots are out of place in this dish
And what's this, see, it looks like an infected mushroom, it's sick!"
"So no tip" and we left quick
So we went with Plan B
Booked another date, figured logistics and then she said
"Wait, my moby's ringing... Hello?
My ex is on the line" "Are you still...?"
"No, he just left stuff at mine"
"Um, okay" And I silently sighed with relief, she said
"I've just gotta drop it off at his some time"
Then the night was fine and then we said our goodbyes

[Verse 2]
The date came, she called
But she was that sick, she cancelled
Well I didn't wanna waste the night, I took the chance
And went to the club with my mates Joe and Mike
Joe said "Mike shi', no damn hot girls in sight
Mike, why is that?" "'Cause all these chicks is fat
Boy, slim pickings tonight." Joe agreed with that, then asked
"Mike, skin a cig, my cravings are starting
And I need a fix" "Okay, sure", and out the door they darted
Then I heard some girls, they stormed in on a hen night
Running like headless chicks and gettin' with every man in sight
One came over, a thin bitch, a skinny puppy
And though I'm not one to judge, jewels coloured a goldy green ain't pretty
But she started shouting in my ear, noisier than the sub
Focusing hard so I could hear over the sound of the club
Things quickly turned intense, she asked me to bang her
"Are you even 18?" "Well, uh, near enough, man" "What?!"
"I'm joking, here's my ID", I said "This has clearly been doctored"
Read on, "Oh god, this is DJ!
This is not good, for real girl, I've had enough"
"Oh you're such a bore, gonna spice things up"
She downed her cup, dipped low, and started grinding her Benny Benassi on my hips
The friction was insane, then her friend took a photo, I was framed! This was ludicrous "Please, just go away, miss"
She finally heard me over the noise, stormed off to find another boy

[Verse 3]
I got out of there fast, but on the way back
I heard a scream outside somebody's flat
This place was dangerous 'cause it was late, an owl city
But wait - that sounds like my lucky date, is she...?
Yeah, there was DJ's shadow, so I started chasing shadows
And found a man making bare noise, shouting loud
It was her ex fella with her, I stopped dead
He faced up to her square
Push her back to the billboard behind her, then said
"You'll live by my rules when you're in my house
If you take my cheese, you'll be a dead mouse!"
She said "I won't be cheated on and beaten Rob
You're just a weak man compensating for your lil' Jon"
"What?!"
He went to hit her again, with evil intent
But I, in defence mode, stepped in to protect
I got up in his grill, expecting a new fight
DJ called out, but I said "Chill, I got this joker, alright?"
"Rob, s'why are you hitting girls, what is this?
So don't get pushy Rob, or now who are you, Chris Brown?"
"Stay out of my business"
He launched this massive attack
I ducked my head under, so it missed
"Rob, two can play at that game" I raised my anger fist
And hit him but landing the punch made me ache on my wrist
But he flinched, so I aimed a strong hit high
Contrasting it with a swift kick to the thigh
Swiped his legs out, KO, and he fell base over apex
Twinging on guilt, I checked his pulse, but he was just at rest
I said "Why don't you catch up on some Zed's?
Deadbeat guys like you deserve the curb as a bed"

[Verse 4]
DJ's incredible gaze was amazed
She said "My ex is insane" "Yeah I thought mine are bad
But he's a different case of crazy" "Hey wait, is that Katy?"
Then her friend appeared with haste, after hearing the fray
She saw DJ with Dave, something clicked in her brain
She said, "Stay away DJ, quick, he's a fake"
On her phone she showed an image, and heaped on the blame
Then spit this bitchy rhetoric, rubbing the pain in
It was the picture of me with her sister grinding
DJ ran away, I gave chase and stayed just behind
Then I asked a dude "Can you tell me where she went?"
"Me? Sure man, saw her go down that street with tears to her cheeks"
But it was too late
My phone was out of battery, so I called when I got in
And heard "Welcome to the BT answering machine"
I logged onto the net, skyped her, and she picked up the line
I said "It's not what you think", she said "David, get a life
There's no justice, you're just like other guys"
I swore "It's not the truth
Check your sister's ID, it's doctored, look"
Just in time she burst in, drunk out of her mind
Began a verbal cascade
"This night sucked, I tried it on with some boy
But he wouldn't put out, and guess the reason why
He recognized you from your ID. Did I mention I took it?" "Why?"
S'cause I'm unable to get into clubs otherwise"
"You can't just doctor people's IDs", DJ screamed, but she fainted
DJ gave her a prod "Did she?"
Checked her ID and said "I'm sorry, I thought you were faithless
Will you forgive me?" "Let's see, that all depends
You lump me in with guys like him, you gotta understand sum'
Well I am not like him, he's just another daft punk
It's time to bury all the past and that junk"
"Why does this have to be complex?"
We talked it out all night until she got it off her chest
She said "I like you, Dave, you saved me, you're my favourite man"
Don't get overzealous, girl, I'm just a boy in a band"