Disrepancy

Living like I'm dying
Hardly living life I'm trying to hold on to what I've got
But I'm aware that it is finite
Roll it, light it, getting high is all I'm liking
Stifled voices screaming, crying, inciting existential crisis
Spend all my life inside
It's like I'm faded all the time
Desensitized to the mind
I'm stuck inside for a while
Trying to quit and end it final
Tie it, hang it, suicidal
Giving up I'm surely liable to just quit as soon as i get hold of rope
I'm fucking tired, I'm fucking tired

Fingers twitching and lately anxieties peaking
I'm not falling asleep i haven't been eating
Got a lump in my throat and it isn't receding
All i can see is pain forever repeating
Been smoking bowls all day, I think I'd really like to die
Roll the backwood, toke blaze, dissipated, now I'm high
Every time something positive comes into my life I do my best to ruin it
And i can't quite decide if this is out of anxiety or apathy to change
Or if there is a deep seeded self-hatred that has been ingrained
I wanna be happy but for now I'll rot away
Since figuring that out takes effort that I can't retain
Beyond redemption and maybe that's comforting
Go through the week trying to deaden my nerve endings
Lonely and week, my life sure isn't lengthening
Nobody but me, solitude's deafening