Queenie Was A Blonde

(The sound of blaring Vaudeville music. Curtain up. A group of MEN appear - a motley assortment of shapes and sizes. They all exude a sense of detachment and malicious glee.)

[MAN 1 - JACKIE]
Queenie was a blonde
And her age stood still
And she danced twice a day
In the vaudeville

[MAN 2 - GOLD]
Gray eyes

[MAN 3 - OSCAR]
Lips like coals aglow

[MAN 4 - EDDIE]
Her face was a tinted mask of snow

[MEN]
Queenie was a blonde
And her age stood still
And she danced twice a day
In the vaudeville

[MAN 5 - GOLDBERG]
What hips!

[MEN]
What hips!

[MAN 6 - PHIL]
What shoulders

[MAN 1 - JACKIE]
What a back she had

[MEN]
QUEENIE WAZZA WAZ

[MAN 3 - OSCAR]
Her lips were built to drive men mad

[Men]
Mad... mad... mad... mad... mad... mad

(A line of CHORINES enter, QUEENIE among them. She is a piece of work. Not young, not old. Sexy but not because of her costume. Her face is powdered white. QUEENIE and the CLORINES strut their stuff. It's a nasty routine.)

[CHORINES]
"'rriverdacci!
Apalachee!
Woooooo!

[QUEENIE]
(dry)
Woo

[ALL]
Men men men men...

[MAN 2 - GOLD]
They might be blackguards

[MAN 5 - GOLDBERG]
They might be curs
Ow!

[MAN 1 - JACKIE]
They might be actors

[MAN 4 - EDDIE]
Sports

[MAN 3 AND 6 - OSCAR AND PHIL]
Chauffeurs

[MAN 1 - JACKIE]
She never inquired of the men she desired
'Bout their social status or wealth

[MAN 6 - PHIL]
She was only concerned about their
Health

[MAN 4 - PHIL]
True

[ALL]
True

[MAN 4 - PHIL]
She knew

[ALL]
She knew

[MAN 4 - PHIL]
There was little she hadn't been through

[MAN 3 - OSCAR]
And she liked her lovers
Violent and vicious

[MAN 6 - PHIL]
Queenie was sexually ambitious

(The company of MEN and WOMEN assembles itself around QUEENIE: a wicked jived world of cads and would-be's, lurid lips and hips.)

[COMPANY]
Queenie was sexually ambitious, sexually ambitious, sexually
Queenie wazza wazza wazza
Queenie wazza wazza wazza
Queenie wazza wazza wazza
Queenie wazza
Queenie wazza

Queenie was a blonde and her age stood still
And she danced twice a day in the vaudeville

So
So
Now you know

A fascinating woman
As
They
Go

Queenie wazza wazza wazza wazza wazza...

Queenie!