St. George and the Dragonet

[Narrator:]
The legend you are about to hear is true. Only the needle should be changed to protect the record.

[St. George:]
This is the countryside. My name is St George. I'm a knight.

Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 pm, I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch when a call came in from the Chief. A dragon had been devouring maidens; homicide. My job, slay him.

[St. George:]
You call me, Chief?

[Chief:]
Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. The King's daughter may be next.

[St. George:]
Mmm-hmm. You got a lead?

[Chief:]
Oh, nothing much to go on. Say, did you take that .45 automatic into the lab to have them check on it?

[St. George:]
Yeah, you were right.

[Chief:]
I was right?

[St. George:]
Yeah, it was a gun.

8:22 pm, I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been devoured.

[St. George:]
Could I talk to you, Ma'am?

[Maiden:]
Who are you?

[St. George:]
I'm St. George, Ma'am. Homicide, Ma'am. Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am. I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am, is that right, dragon?

[Maiden:]
It was terrible. He breathed fire on me. He burned me already!

[St. George:]
How can I be sure of that, Ma'am?

[Maiden:]
Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth.

[St. George:]
11:45 pm, I rode over the King's Highway. I saw a man, stopped to talk to him.

Pardon me, Sir. Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir?

[Knave:]
Sure, I don't mind.

[St. George:]
What do you do for a living?

[Knave:]
I'm a knave.

[St. George:]
Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts?

[Knave:]
Yeah, so what, you wanna make a federal case out of it?

[St. George:]
No Sir, we heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood. We just want to know if you've seen him.

[Knave:]
Sure, I've seen him.

[St. George:]
Mmm-hmm, could you describe him for me?

[Knave:]
What's to describe? You see one dragon, you seen 'em all!

[St. George:]
Would you try to remember, Sir, just for the record? We just want to get the facts, Sir.

[Knave:]
Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots...

[St. George:]
Yes, Sir.

[Knave:]
Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke...

[St. George:]
Mmm-hmm.

[Knave:]
And one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and uh, like that.

[St. George:]
Notice anything unusual about him?

[Knave:]
No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know.

[St. George:]
Mmm-hmm. Yes Sir, you can go now.

[Knave:]
Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him?

[St. George:]
I thought you'd never ask. A Dragonet.

3:05 pm, I was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to the lab. Then it happened.
It was the dragon.

[Dragon:]
Hey, I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon! You must be St George, right?

[St. George:]
Yes, Sir.

[Dragon:]
I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords.

[St. George:]
That's about the size of it.

[Dragon:]
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, you slay me!

[St. George:]
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

[Dragon:]
What do you mean?

[St. George:]
I'm taking you in on a 502. You figure it out.

[Dragon:]
What's the charge?

[St. George:]
Devouring maidens out of season.

[Dragon:]
Out of season? You'll never pin that rap on me! Do you hear me, cop?

[St. George:]
Yeah, I hear you. I got you on a 412 too.

[Dragon:]
A 412? What's a 412?!

[St. George:]
Over-acting. Let's go.

[Narrator:]
On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted. His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked.
Maiden devouring out of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50, or more than 300 years.