Celebrated Skier

I’m a celebrated skier, folks, and qualified to smirk
I’ve skied more hills than any man from Frisco to New York
But talkin’ about the skiin’ I’ve done is my one and only quirk
‘Specially when I’m standin’ in the barroom
I’ll ski any hill that stands, my friends, regardless of the pitch
On any kind of skis at all, I really don’t care which
I could ski the cliffs of Dover with nary a bloody hitch
And haven’t I often proved it in the barroom
I ski straight down the hill, you know, I never need traverse
I ski every style of skiin’ from the Arlberg to reverse
I’m one of the finest skiers in the whole darn universe
Especially when I’m standin’ in the barroom
I’ve looked for powered skiin’ all around the world, you know
And when the powder’s really deep I’m first one on the tow
With just my head above the top, that’s how I like my snow
And I love to tell about it in the barroom
The search for higher mountains has become my lifelong quest
But I find a hill in Asia that I really think is best
So if anyone wants to find me I’ll be schussin’ Everest
As soon as I’ve had a couple in the barroom
Now when it comes to racin’ I’m the finest of the crop
I can memorize a slalom course from bottom to the top
I come roarin’ through the finish gate and I barely make a stop
Just in time to have a couple in the barroom
And now my song has ended and I hope you will agree
That if you need some pointers, why, you’d better send for me
But I’m not worth a damn, you know, till I’ve emptied two or three
Of the very biggest schooners in the barroom
The very biggest schooners in the barroom