Hooker Jon

[Verse 1]
Come up from the tub all wild, look like a four-eyed pig from Australia
You're like a wine-soaked varicose genitalia
You'll be a sloth-like crook who likes to fail to presevere
Give me a boat, Bermuda tricycle, I'll disappear
Watch what you say 'cause I'll leave you in the woods near the horse
And we'll leave you there naked and let nature takes its course

[Chorus]
Hooker, you think that I'm a john as I'm movin' on
John-John, you think that I'm a hooker and you try to book her
Everybody's wrong about what turns me on
He thinks that I'm a hooker, she thinks that I'm a john
Okay

[Verse 2]
Been drivin' all night and day just tryin' to find Route 66
All I found was a couple teenage boys tryin' to sell their dicks
Ate 4,448 Flintstones Kids to get my fix
We can dock our foreskins and get a real viscous mix
When my first son turns seven I'm gonna give him LSD and see what he says
Then I'll toss him to his mama and let him suck on some breasts

[Chorus]
Hooker, you think that I'm a john as I'm movin' on
John-John, you think that I'm a hooker and you try to book her
Everybody's wrong about what turns me on
He thinks that I'm a hooker, she thinks that I'm a john
(*Burp*) Okay

[Verse 3]
You're like a Hoodoo fan, I mean oatmeal and rye
You're like the Prince of Darkness doing patty cakes in the pig sty
You'll be watchin' reruns of Wheel of Fortune when apocalypse comes
Your brain'll be expandin' when God's kingdom comes
You're like a retarded Isaac Newton in Johnny Appleseed's mind
Got a concussion from an apple, make him clueless in a nine-to-five grind

[Chorus]
Hooker, you think that I'm a john as I'm movin' on
John-John, you think that I'm a hooker and you try to book her
Everybody's wrong about what turns me on
He thinks that I'm a hooker, she thinks that I'm a john