Couch Potato

[Intro]
Look, if you had, one shot
To sit on your lazy butt, and watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush, would you go for it
Or just let it slip?
Yo

[Verse 1]
Remote is ready, eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the TV already, Wilma and Betty
No virgin to channel surfin', and I'm HD ready
So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon Cowell, who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth, always says something foul
They're dying wow, wannabes are crying now
He votes 'em out, time to throw in the towel
Shows based on reality, oh the humanity
Oh, Ozzy's family sure loves profanity
Woah, the insanity, oh, dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity? No, they live happily
Yo, plus Da Ali G Show, and Celebrity Mole
Oh there's Anna Nicole, she's scarin' me
Look, Ma — No cavities! Oh, it's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

[Chorus]
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show
My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery and Lifetime
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos!"
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
The History Channel, and QVC, and Lifetime
You're gonna...

[Verse 2]
My butt is aching, as I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking, Larry King
To 24, to Law & Order
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes
Ancient reporters, next up on E! True Hollywood Story
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey
Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'
CSI: Boise, and Touched by an Uncle
Both sound pretty lame, and
So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond
And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it
I move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter
Then I bet I watch The Bachelorette
Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter
And The Muppet Show where they go "Mahna Mahna"

[Chorus]
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, they'd scold me, but I'd still tune into every show (oh)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, cajoled me, but I still love Lisa Kudrow (oh)
I'm lookin at C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
The Playboy Channel, and Court TV, and Lifetime
You're gonna...

[Verse 3]
Never miss Melrose Place or Lost in Space
I've seen each Amazing Race and Without a Trace
But I only watched Will & Grace, one time, one day
Wish I hadn't, 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay
Oh, and Fear Factor, I watched maybe a half hour
After that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambition
Next week on FOX watch lions eat Christians
Like to tie up those programming planners
Make them watch all that junk until their heads explode just like Scanners
Leech-covered, grub-eating fools on Survivor
Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre
Of Mr. Rob Schneider
And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob
Plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna
Hey, there's Luke Perry
And a special all Pig Latin episode of Drew Carey
Wanna turn on ET
'Cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J-Lo is marrying this week
A 30-second spot
Welcome back to Are You Hot?
I was planning on recording The Sopranos — I forgot
I love shows with or without a plot
I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got one brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

[Chorus]
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, they'd scold me, but I still tune into every show (oh)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime
You're gonna lose your mind watching TV
They told me, cajoled me, turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (oh)
I got it on C-SPAN, TVLand, and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime
You're gonna...

[Outro]
You can watch anything you want to, man