Eyes of Heaven, The Gateway to Earth

I wish I believed in me like everybody else does
We can be anything but I'm in denial
I can't get off the speed
My heart is on trial
It's been about a week since I've seen my smile
Four days and I still can't sleep
I can't go outside no
Addiction really killing me
But it takes a while
I can see the pearly gates even through a blindfold
I feel like a waste of space
Throw me in a pile
How can anyone say that they love me
Let alone like me
I could never trust you
Cause you told me that you move to spite me
I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days
I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain
I'm not ready to face a change
No not now
I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days
I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain
I'm not ready to face a change
I'm not ready to
Ties are meant to be severed not forgotten
This time in my life feels rotten
Everywhere I go I feel eyes watchin' my moves
I remember all the days that I used to frolic
I don't know what made me stop it
My mind filled with chemicals and toxins
I'm deluded
I'm the worst to me nothin' tops it
I think I need some treatment call a doctor
When people see me they can call it
I've lost some screws
I'm sittin' by myself so who is that talkin'
I'm the king in the land of melancholy
Imma sign my name in blood with a ball pen
For your amusement
I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days
I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain
I'm not ready to face a change
No not now
I'm countin' my money and I'm countin' my days
I'm loathing this life and I'm numbin' my brain
I'm not ready to face a change
I'm not ready to
I'm not ready to
I'm not ready to