Army

[Verse 1]
I should've known the first red flag
Was when you said you didn't like The Beatles
And then the thirty second one's
How the things you loved were all a little bit illegal

[Pre-Chorus]
Can't believe when you left, I was sad
My friends all say I dodged a bullet
But it's worse than that

[Chorus]
I dodged a year of bad sex
You're wishing I was your ex
And waiting up for you to never call me
Dodged an emotional wreck
Downplaying all my success
Not even man enough to ever say sorry
My friends say I dodged a bullet
But they don't even know it
No, I dodged a whole damn army
(No, I dodged a whole damn army)

[Verse 2]
Life's been so much better now since you moved out
So sweet, no sour
I ripped up all your shirts
And took your three-in-one and got it out of my shower

[Pre-Chorus]
Can't believe when you left, I was sad
My friends all say I dodged a bullet
But it's worse than that

[Chorus]
I dodged a year of bad sex
You're wishing I was your ex
And waiting up for you to never call me
Dodged an emotional wreck
Downplaying all my success
Not even man enough to ever say sorry
My friends say I dodged a bullet
But they don't even know it
No, I dodged a whole damn army

[Bridge]
I pledge allegiance to me, myself and I
Hope I don't see you in another life
I pledge allegiance to me, myself and I
No, I don't need you, I'd rather die
(I pledge allegiance, me, myself and I)
(I don't need you, I'd rather die)

[Chorus]
I dodged a year of bad sex
You're wishing I was your ex
And waiting up for you to never call me
Dodged an emotional wreck
Downplaying all my success
Not even man enough to ever say sorry
My friends say I dodged a bullet
But they don't even know it
No, I dodged a whole damn army

[Outro]
I should've known from your mullet
Wasn't dodging a bullet
No, I dodged a whole damn army