Don’t Wanna Be Alive (My Version)

[Verse 1]
Look, yeah, yeah, spent all this time
Lyin' sayin' I'm fine, look into the mirror, think, "Man I wanna die"
I don't wanna be alive, I just wanna thrive
I think 'bout suicide, think 'bout what would happen if I died
I just cry every night, I'm sick of this long fight
I just wanna feel alright, I'm so teary-eyed
Please, stop tellin' me your lies
Tryna feel alright, but it doesn't work
I'm sitting here, tryna find my worth
I don't want anything else unless it's her
I'm sitting here, feeling fuckin' worthless
I lost my purpose
I don't even know if it's fuckin' worth it
I'm so tired from all of the workin'
I've been doing too much, I'm done
I thought that she was the one
But instead, she played with my emotions for herself, for her fucking fun
I should've listened to the voices in my head when they told me to run
But now, I sit here torn apart, with my broken heart
I'll just sit here and fall apart, I don't wanna play my part
I'll just go and fucking depart, from everyone, goodbye
I'll just die, and

[Chorus]
I don't think there are remedies
For aching hearts and memories
Fighting things that nobody sees
I turn that shit to melodies (Oh-oh)
I guess I do it just to put my mind at ease (Put my mind at ease)
I've been trying, trying to survive
I've been lying, lying, 'cause I don't wanna be alive

[Verse 2]
Throwing out more jokes, just to make myself feel better
Tell 'em that it really works, but deep down, I'm feeling lesser (Uh-huh)
I've been grinding all my life, I won't be happier under pressure
It's a fucking endless cycle of this pain and damn displeasure

I think 'bout my best friend
And how she was abused, bruised, used and eventually met her end
I don't wanna pretend that I'm okay, that I don't wanna meet fuckin' end
My heart, I lend to all these people and they just fuckin' pretend
That I matter to them

I wanna set myself free from this hell I'm living in
I've worked too damn hard, I ain't ever giving in
I tell myself that all the fuckin' time
I lie to 'em and say that I'm fuckin' fine
But really, my life is on the fuckin' line

Look, I know that I've got enemies
I'm sorry that you're hating me
I know I'm also blaming me
The switch ups, it amazes me
There's nothing I can do, I just wanna feel
Ain't talking things I plan to do, ain't ever gonna heal

[Chorus]
I don't think there are remedies
For aching hearts and memories
Fighting things that nobody sees
I turn that shit to melodies (Oh-oh)
I guess I do it just to put my mind at ease (Put my mind at ease)
I've been trying, trying to survive
I've been lying, lying, 'cause I don't wanna be alive

I don't think there are remedies
For aching hearts and memories
Fighting things that nobody sees
I turn that shit to melodies (Oh-oh)
I guess I do it just to put my mind at ease (Put my mind at ease)
I've been trying, trying to survive
I've been lying, lying, 'cause I don't wanna be alive

[Outro]
To all the peeps who hated me, please know I'd hate me too
I tried my best to change it, I didn't win I knew
And to all my friends remaining, please know my love has grew
You tried your best to love me and that came from very few
And to that special someone, yes I know that you know who
If you're really out there listening, please know you didn't lose
We made a final promise, and I'm sorry, but it's true
I can't keep our final promise, and I swear it hurts me too