Drunk Uncle Pete

[Intro]
Drunk Uncle Pete

[Verse 1]
Take your Christmas lights down, you lazy bum
I look across the street and I see a wreath
It reminds me of my old Drunk Uncle Pete (Oh, not again)
Take the lampshade off, you're not funny
Barf up some turkey from your drunk yummy tummy
Try to play poker, but you can't read the cards
Lying, cheating, stealing, brain's working too hard

[Chorus]
Drunk Uncle Pete can't stand on two feet
Your whiskey, your shot glass
Your forty ounce, you're family (That's right!)
Drunk Uncle Pete can't find the door
He's cross-eyed and he's mumbling and he's stumbling
He's family (Drunk Uncle Pete)

[Post-Chorus]
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Drunk Uncle Pete!

[Verse 2]
Christmas in the park getting drunk after dark
Fourth of July is a pause for the cause
Halloween, Spooky Day, Jack Daniel's okay
Valentine's chocolate (Nice!) and early times
St. Pat day, that's okay
First of June drunk again, not a holiday
Lost a finger lost a limb, wasn't in the war
Let's drink some more!

[Chorus]
Drunk Uncle Pete can't stand on two feet
Your whiskey, your shot glass
Your forty ounce, you're family (That's right!)
Drunk Uncle Pete crashed his new car
DUI now, gotta pay now, out of jail now
He's family

[Bridge]
12-pack, knock it back, Vicodin, Ambien
Last call, alcohol, hurry up, drink it all
Checks bouncing, baby crying, glasses empty, liver dying
Fast women, cheap cologne, empty bottle, all alone

[Chorus]
Drunk Uncle Pete can't stand on two feet
Drunk Uncle Pete can't stand on two feet
Your whiskey, your shot glass
Your forty ounce, you're family (That's right!)
Drunk Uncle Pete can't find the door
He's cross-eyed and he's mumbling and he's stumbling
He's family (Drunk Uncle Pete)

[Outro]
That's right, that's right! (Drunk Uncle Pete)
Yeah, yeah, yeah! (Drunk Uncle Pete)
Yeah, yeah! (That's right, that's right!)