Dolemite

[Verse]
Some folks say that Willie Greene
Was the baddest motherfucker the world ever seen
But I want you to light up a joint, take a real good shit
And screw your wig on tight
And let me tell you about the
Little bad motherfucker called Dolemite
Now Dolemite was from San Antone, a ramblin', scamblin’
Gamblin' little young motherfucker from the day he was born
Well the day he was dropped from his mammy's ass
He slapped his pappy’s face and said
“From now on cock sucker, I'm running this place”
At the age of one, he was drinking whiskey and gin
At the age of two, he was eating the bottles it came in
Now Dolemite had an uncle called Sudden Death
Killed a dozen bad men from the smell of his breath
When his unc' heard young how Dolemite
Was treating his own ma' and pa', he said
“Let me go and check this lil' bad rascal before he go too far"
Now one cold, dark, December night
His uncle broke in on Dolemite
Now Dolemite wasn't no more than three or four
When his uncle come breakin' through the door
His unc’ said, "Dolemite,” said
“I want you to straighten up and treat your brother right
’cause if you keep on with your dirty mistreating
I'm going to whoop your ass til your hearts stop beatin’”
Dolemite sitting in the middle of the floor playing
He said “I see your lips quiver, unc'
But I don't hear a cock sucking word you're saying.”
This made his uncle mad, he let off
With a right that made lightening flash
But Dolemite tore his leg off, he was that damn fast
Now all the men in San Antone gathered around that night
To see if they could do something
About the little bad rascal called Dolemite
It took 100 of the baddest, the boldest, the ugliest men in town
Finally rolled Dolemite’s ass down and put him in jail
They held him without bail
If you think his mammy was happy
You should've seen his pappy
Now it's been eight long years since Dolemite's been fed
The average motherfucker would've long, long been dead
Now the warden called Dolemite, he said
“Dolemite, I'm going to tell you what we're going to do
we are going to give you a dollar and a half and
a damn good meal, if you promise to leave us alone
and get your bad ass out of San Antone"
Dolemite took the dollar and a half and the damn good meal And said, "I'm going to tell you old, jive, molded, ancient decrepit, motherfuckers how I feel”
He said, “y'all can suck my dick, nuts and ass
Down to the mother fucking bone
Because I ain't never coming back to San Antone”
Now Dolemite wasn't no more than thirteen
When they let him out the gate, he said
“I think I'll go across sea and try my fate.”
He got a job in Africa kicking lions
In the ass to spare him change
He got ran out of South America for fucking steers
He fucked the she-elephant until she broke down in tears
Now Dolemite worked for five years and a day
Got his pay, said, “Well, I believe, I'll go back
To that jive ass USA.”
Where the news of the heavyweight
Fight was being broadcasted that night
And a special bulletin said
“Look out storms, atomic bombs, and Dolemite."
Now the first thing Dolemite encountered
Was two big rocky mountains
He said, "Mountains, what y'all going to do?”
They said, “We're going to part, Mr. Dolemite
And let your bad ass through.”
Now Dolemite went on down to Kansas City
Kicking asses until those shoes are shitty
Hoboed in the the Chi, who did he run into
But that bad ass two gun Pete.
He said, “Move over and let me pass
'fore they have to pull these triple A's
out your mother fucking ass.”
Went on down to 42nd street
Not for no shit, but some place he could sleep and eat
Run into that Chi Mabel, of all the ho's she was a boss
She would suck you, fuck you, and jack you off
She said, “Come on down to my pad, Dolemite.”
Said, “We're going to fuck and fight 'til broad day light.”
Dolemite said, “Bitch, I had a job in Africa
kicking lions in the ass to stay in shape”
Said, “I got run out of South America for fucking steers.”
Said “I would fuck the she-elephant until
she broke down in tears.”
Mable said “I don't care where you goin' and where you been” Said “I'm laying to wrap this good
hot juicy pussy all around your bad ass chin”
Dolemite, said “Bitch. It's best you not fuck with me”
Said, “I better run you down some of my pedigree”
Said “I've swam across sweaty river's and aint never got wet Mountains have fell on me, and I aint dead yet
I fucked an elephant and deaded her mother
I can look up a bull's ass and tell you the price of butter
I've fucked another elephant down to a coon
tven fucked the same damn cow
that jumped over the mother fucking moon”
Said “I rode across the ocean on the head of my dick
and ate nine tons of cat shit and never got sick
and you talk about wrapping your good, hot, pussy
all around my bad ass chin?
Bitch, you ought to be blowing up my ass
trying to be my be my mother fucking friend“
Oh but Mabel farted, that's when the fucking started
She made her pussy do the mojo, the popcorn, the turkey,
And the grind, left Dolemite's ass nine strokes behind
She threw pussy up Dolemite's back, come out of his ear
Down his side, running out of his pocket
Damn near put his asshole out of socket
But Dolemite suddenly made a mojo turn
Had the crabs around that bitch's asshole
Hollering, "Burn, baby, burn.”
But the next morning they found Mabel dead
With her drawers wrapped around her nappy ass head
And the crabs were madder than a motherfucker
To see Dolemite beat them out of their god damned supper
But Dolemite kept kicking asses and fucking up in the fall
'Til finally his roll was called
They had his funeral, carried him down to the graveyard
Dolemite was dead, but his dick was still hard.
The preacher said, “ashes to ashes, and dust to dust,”
Said “I'm glad this little bad mother fucker
Called Dolemite is no longer here with us."
Bye!