You, me, and the past

I just want you to be proud of me
No inspiration for lyrics
I’m sorry that you blame me for any mild inconvenience
I’m trying so hard to fill your needs, to be smarter
But not wanting to be here makes this shit a little harder
I’ll die a martyr, suffering with intense disorder
Simply out of order, but please know that I’m a hard worker
I work so hard to receive your praise and validation
That I do things that I don’t want to do out of desperation
To feel a bit of elation, from constant separation
I depend on you so much, for you it’s lost in translation
And I love you so much, I just wish you would be patient
I wish you knew that your negative words carry negative vibration

Hard to keep my head held high
Telling myself these moments will pass me by
Am I worthy of this life
When my whole character’s a disguise?
Mother, can you hear my cries?
Where’s dad’s fatherly advice?
What does your silence imply?
There’s no need for another rhyme

The constant walk on eggshells, the “walking on my tiptoes”
The uttering and shouting of words that “you don’t really mean” though
Maladaptive daydreaming is my only escape
Away from the hate, the constant debate, whether or not “I’m a disgrace”
What happened to the times you’d ask me about my day?
Or, when you’d offer to take me places, to go out and play?
It’s such a shame that even after years, I’m lying in wait
To go play, where you’d stay, didn’t complain, those moments I await to recreate

Why are you slowly drifting away?
Oh don’t drift away
What can I do to make you stay?
Will you stay? Is there a way?

Hard to keep my head held high
Telling myself these moments will pass me by
Am I worthy of this life
When my whole character’s a disguise?
Mother, can you hear my cries?
Where’s dad’s fatherly advice?
What does your silence imply?
There’s no need for another rhyme