Yoda (Monologue)

[Interlude]
Okay so now that we covered the Star Trek thing
Are there any Star Wars fans in the house?
*Audience applauding*
I am a big fan of Star Trek and Star Wars
But you know, Star Wars really came first for me
It was my first love
When I was a little kid, you know
I had the action figures and the k-you know the guns and the lightsaber
The bedsheets, the-the thong
*Audience laughing*
The personal upper thigh massager
*Audience laughing*
It was, I had it all, I really did
But you know, I gotta tell you that like
Even as a child
Empire Strikes Back came out second
We went to see that, and that was completely awsome
It might even have been better than the first
*Audience applauding*
But then, you know, Return of The Jedi came out
And something had changed
There was like these little cute, funny characters running around singing songs
And that was a little disturbing
Now the first time I saw Yoda
I was like "Wow! What a cool looking Jedi master"
And then he opened up his mouth
*Audience laughing*
And I was like "I know that voice"
*Audience laughing*
It's as if I've heard that voice every morning before going to school
*Audience applauding*
And then it hit me
It's Grover
*Audience applauding*
Yoda's Grover
*Audience applauding*
So however hard I tried to watch Star Wars
From that point on
Every single time Yoda opened up his mouth
I pictured Grover
I wanted to partake of his Jedi wisdom
But no matter what he said
All I could like hear in my head was
"Learn a Jedi must
About near and far"
*Audience applauding*
"Dagobah is near
Tatooine is far"
*Audience applauding*
"Near, far!"
*Audience applauding*