Women Lose Weight

[Intro: Skye Edwards]
What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor

[Verse 1: Slick Rick]
The name of this entertainment is "Women Lose Weight"
Our first years of marriage, everything was just great
But after two kids and the weight gain factors
Fact is, now, she's completely unattractive
Look, fat chicks, I don't mean to sound rude
I tell her nice, "Hit the gym, and don't eat so much food"
But no—"You're shallow; you need to run the course
Of unconditional love and so forth"
But how? If desire's not there, that's just delayment
Divorces, child support, alimony payments
My unhappiness, I doubt, discouraged
So hurry for an easier way out of this marriage
Meanwhile, my secretary, June, well-groomed
"When you gonna leave your wife?"
I tell her, "Soon, mami, soon, I assume"
Or my destiny is blue
Interestingly, the only thing left for me to do is to kill her

[Hook: Skye Edwards & Slick Rick]
What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor
I'm gonna have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss (Kill her)
What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor
I'm gonna have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss

[Verse 2: Slick Rick]
My plans against or shenanigans kinda ran thin
Knowing nothing 'bout poisoning, and I can't swim
Bad intentions pumping, might as well become numb
Cut her lungs or the obvious robbery gone wrong
But the catch is, do I have the nerve to dispatch this?
Who can I get to help me murder this fat chick?
Guess I'll have to play a dude robbing
On Wednesday, the day she usually goes food shopping
Anyway, long story short
Hit the side of her Chrysler, sent her clean over the divider
"You bastard!" she said
As the wreck went tumbling down the hill, I thought, "She has to be dead"
Later on, get a call (From a) Lieutenant O'Rourke
(Had me) Leaping like a frog: "We need you at the morgue"
So I selfishly pursued, "Boo-hoo"
There was nothing else for me to do—I had to kill her

[Hook: Skye Edwards & Slick Rick]
What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor
C'mon, y'all, you know I had to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss (Killed her)
What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor
I had to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send her ass right to the morgue, miss

[Dialogue: Slick Rick & Slick Rick as a cop]
So you mean to tell me, Officer—you don't have no clue who did this hit-and-run?
No, sir, we don't have no clues right now
This is terrible. What am I gonna tell the kids?
Pull yourself together, sir
I'm so broken up inside. I just can't believe this
I understand, I understand
Catch the person who did this
We're gonna try, sir
Please

[Verse 3: Slick Rick]
Screaming, "Who done took my heart?"
Acting shooken up a lot at the funeral, though everyone was looking at me odd
Like I did it—like I was the reason my mate's slain
Murmuring, "I heard he was displeased with her weight gain"
While my secretary, sort of a sexy blonde
Can't cook—all she does is order from restaurants
("All of the sex you want") I doubt could address
Clothes not washed proper, and house look a mess, and
Talking to detectives that was waiting outside
How I took a long lunch break, day the wife died
I darn near turned pale, and because of betrayal
They indicted me, gave me an impossible bail
Good fortune to anyone admiring the rotten
Moral of the story is: Desire is important
So watch your weight; it'll keep your mate smitten—it's a given
Though looking back, I realized: I didn't have to kill her

[Hook: Skye Edwards & Slick Rick]
What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor
I didn't have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss (I killed her)
What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor
I didn't have to kill her
'Course there's laws which enforces divorces
Send that ass right to the morgue, miss

[Outro: Slick Rick]
Well, there you have it
Keep thin, trim
Keep your marriages healthy, you know what I mean?
Small message from Morcheeba and Slick Rick the Ruler
Peace