Why’s Everybody Always Pickin’ on Me?

[Verse 1]
The morn that I was born my old man beat up the doctor
He clocked the doctor cause the doctor said I looked like Chewbacca
The doctor said, "Sir, you're misled, sir, which infers you mistook me
I did not mean your lovely wife was shacking up with a wookie
What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son
He looks like Chewie (Baba Booey Baba Booey)
And a Hong Kong Phooey all in one
To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu looking
I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cooking."

[Hook]
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause my fifteen year-old cousin has less acne
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause you got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause you're white but you got a nose like Bill Cosby

[Verse 2]
Why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Always pickin' and rippin' apart poor ol' Jimmy Pop Ali
I got a schnoz like the Cos' but there's a lot more wrong with you
So back me up Bill (Yeah, and you're ugly too!)
So what if I brush my teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese
Or wear a fish net shirt by Chams with my Sergio Valentia jeans
And my mirror never lies but it always verifies
I got more cheese and pepperoni than a homemade pizza pie
You compare me to a Mon chichi but I don't understand
Why I'm scorned like I'm deformed like the Elephant Man
And yea I took my mom to the prom but hey she asked me first
But at least this time I didn't find my date in the back of a hearse
About as popular with the girls with Englebert Humperdink
And that might be cause everybody calls me Shrinky Dink
I know I'm known as Polaroid I'm not a total retard
It's cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged

[Hook]
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause you wore velour flares until the late Eighties
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause you run like a girl and sit down to pee
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
You took your mom to the prom but still got lucky

[Verse 3]
Like that episode where Gilligan gets sick of being teased
And he breaks into the professor's lab and makes some LSD
Peaks, freaks, and eats the skipper's brains then beats ginger with coconuts
As Mr. Howell and Lovey burn alive inside of their grass hut
Oh, he'll kill again, that Gilligan, they he should of let him be
And like a postal clerk I'll go berserk if you don't stop teasing me
See the trick is only pick on those that can't do you no harm
Like the drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm

[Hook]
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause my fifteen year-old cousin has less acne
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Ain't brushed them teeth since 1983
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause you got the grooming habits of a chimpanzee
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause you're white but you got a nose like Bill Cosby
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause ya wore velour flares until the late Eighties
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause you run like a girl and you sit down to pee
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause your only school chum was the lunch lady
But why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Cause no one likes you monkey boy