Why Can’t I Grow a Beard?

I know it's wrong, but I lie a lot
I like to think that it's all I've got
To keep you here, interested in me

I think it's cool that you love yourself
What's even cooler is there's someone else
To make you feel better about this, oh

But still I storm the stairs like I was twelve

And I would lope my nose just to spare your face
I'll lock these doors and close the drapes
I'm not coming out unless I get some answers soon
And if the answers don't come, we'll stick to my guns

I'm entitled to this, I feel I've overcome
Getting stepped on and hurt and abused
And it's gonna end bad
So I guess I'll just end this now
'Cause I sure as shit ain't comin' out

He grew a beard because he couldn't shave
It reached the floor and it seemed like days
And cameramen, they flooded my front yard

Denied requests for interviews
But told the world on the local news
That she's happy and I could never be, oh

But still I storm the stairs like I was twelve

And I would lope my nose just to spare your face
I'll lock these doors and close the drapes
I'm not coming out unless I get some answers soon
And if the answers don't come, we'll stick to my guns

I'm entitled to this, I feel I've overcome
Getting stepped on and hurt and abused
And it's gonna end bad
So I guess I'll just end this now
'Cause I sure as shit ain't comin' out