Where Do We Get ’em and Why?

[Verse 1: Both Wives, Wife 1]
A pair of goodwives sat a-stitchin’
And gossiping, griping and gritchin’
Said one to the other, "Sometimes I could smother
My husband, oh don't you agree?"
If he's not at the alehouse a-ravin'
Then he's gambling the money I'm savin'
With all of this strife, I am sure that the life
Of a spinster'd be better for me

[Chorus: Both Wives]
We're wonderin' where do we get 'em
And why don't we let ‘em just stay as they be?
Oh, where do we get ‘em
And why don't wе let ‘em
Stay filthy and feral and free?
Thеy're messy, they smell
And they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours

[Verse 2: Wife 2]
Oh, you don't know the way that I suffer
From the one I call husband and lover
For the latter is such that he don't think of much
Or perhaps he just don't know the word
For when in our blankets we huddle
Well, I don't get so much as a cuddle
Oh I'd rather be dead than put horns on his head
But the thought has most surely occurred

[Chorus: Both Wives]
We're wonderin' where do we get 'em
And why don't we let ‘em just stay as they be?
Oh, where do we get ‘em
And why don't we let ‘em
Stay filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell
And they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours
​
[Verse 3: Wife 1]
My dear I don't see how you do it
Your wedding day, how you must rue it
In church how he chatters of bawdy house matters
Oh how do you not simply die
He always tracks mud on your floors
And how do you sleep while he snores?
His voice is so loud it could silence a crowd
Oh you have much harder than I
​
[Chorus: Both Wives]
We're wonderin' where do we get 'em
And why don't we let ‘em just stay as they be?
Oh, where do we get ‘em
And why don't we let ‘em
Stay filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell
And they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours

[Verse 4: Wife 2]
Though some of your words may be true, dear
I've got it much better than you, dear
Your husband can't sing, though he tries, you poor thing
Always songs about wenches and war
And when he's not singing he's smoking
With that stench how do you keep from choking
Though mine is no saint, a chimney he ain't
Hey—how did you know that he snores?

[Chorus: Both Wives]
We're wonderin' where do we get 'em
And why don't we let ‘em just stay as they be?
Oh, where do we get ‘em
And why don't we let ‘em
Stay filthy and feral and free?
They're messy, they smell
And they curse and they yell
And they don't ever do any chores
Though mine is a beast, I'm happy at least
I didn't get married to yours