Where Did It Go?

[Mr. Rich, spoken]:
You should have seen me. What I was! I was Father Time's sweet, darling, golden little boy

[Sung]

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
I was quite a boy
A Romeo!

Once upon a beach
In my underwear
All the ladies used to stop and stare

Hair upon my head
Hair upon my chest
Everyone I met
Was so Impressed

Hair upon my chin
Hair upon my brow
Why am I so damned unhairy now?

Where did it go
Oh, oh
Those little locks of mine
Those teeth that used to shine!

Where is it at
At, at
Those Shirley Temple dimples and that baby fat

Oh, whеre has it gone
On, on
That style so dеbonair!
That slender derrière!

Oh, where can it be?
Oh, where can it be?
I can't believe this beast I see is really me
I'm twenty-three!

Once upon a moon
In the month of May
I chased every dame
That came my way

Once upon a couch
Or in a canoe—
Oh, the naughty things I used to do!

[Spoken, with rhythm]
Oh, what a line I had!
What daring! What results!
My little nursery maid
The scoutmaster's wife
(That was a merit badge, alright!)
The housemother at my fraternity
The Girl's Hockey Team from Bennington, Vermont
Those siamese twins from faraway Peru!

[Sung, with backup singers]
Oh, where did it go?
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, etc.)
That fabulous parade
Of maidens that I made!
Where did it pass?
(Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!)
Those many scenes of tender splendor in the grass!

Oh, where did it fly?
(Aye, yai, yai, yai, yai, etc.)
Those endless one-night stands!
Those ever-ready glands!

Oh, where can it be?
Oh, where can it be?
Who could believe I'd live to see senility
Reach out for me?

Life's a masquerade!
Crazy game we play!
'Neath a painted face
We waste
Away
On and on it goes
Till the curtains close

Ten minutes ago, I was only a kid
I was kidding around with the gals!
Ten minutes ago, I was John Barrymore
But now look at me covered with jowls!
I don't know what happened
I looked in the glass and instead of me what did it show:
Some horrible, faded-out, balding, old fool
So, now there's one thing I must know:

Where did it go?
Where in the hell
(Where in the hell)
Did the whole thing
Go?
(Go, go, go, go
Where in the hell did it go?)