When I went to the Bar as a very young man

When I went to the Bar as a very young man
(Said I to myself — said I)
I'll work on a new and original plan
(Said I to myself — said I)
I'll never assume that a rogue or a thief
Is a gentleman worthy implicity belief
Because his attorney has sent me a brief
(Said I to myself — said I)

Ere I go into court I will read my brief through
(Said I to myself — said I)
And I'll never take work I'm unable to do
(Said I to myself — said I)
My learned profession I'll never disgrace
By taking a fee with a grin on my face
When I haven't been there to attend to the case
(Said I to myself — said I)

I'll never throw dust in a juryman's eyes
(Said I to myself — said I)
Or hoodwink a judge who is not over-wise
(Said I to myself — said I)
Or assume that the witnesses summoned in force
In Exchequer, Queen's Bench, Common Pleas, or Divorce
Have perjured themselves as a matter of course
(Said I to myself — said I)

In other professions in which men engage
(Said I to myself — said I)
The Army, the Navy, the Church, and the Stage
(Said I to myself — said I)
Professional license, if carried too far
Your chance of promotion will certainly mar
And i fancy the rule might apply to the Bar
(Said I to myself — said I)