When I Say That Loving Me Is Kind Of Like Watching The World Cup

what I mean is that it is possible to be immersed in a sea of sadness even if
nothing has been lost. me & meaghan paid too much for these shirts but it costs
a lot to look this vacant & when ethan says it’s going to be ok we can stare at
the splitting earth long enough to imagine that perhaps he isn’t talking about
the fact that another thing slipped past the outstretched fingertips of another
man we believed in & isn’t that just like me to bet all of my chips on agony
isn’t that just like me to cut around happiness as if it is the mold on a good
block of cheese & I know you mean well darling but you can keep your roses tonight
I’ll be leaving this town before they even have a chance to dry out & fall to some
wood paneled floor & I guess it may be easier to know that there will always be
something to shape into grief even after I leave this city & take every part of this
cloud with me
the hot dog place on west broad is closed & now me & ethan have nowhere to place all
of these unspoken things & fill ourselves with everything else & that isn’t a violence
against all of this joy I stay dodging for one more smirk in a photo or
one more hug where I escape too soon or
one more night being swallowed by some imagined ache that I have built this shrine
to & painted the walls a web of crows & I play the records my mother always said
would kill me
you know the ones where the howl of a singer crawls out of the speakers & then
inside of you & before you know it
it is winter again
but while there is still time before the bridge come sit down & I will tell you
the story of how once I thought I had finally made peace with all of this but
then a bundle of knives appeared