When a Woman Has a Baby

[MRS. JONES, spoken]
Oh, good evening, Mr. Buchanan
I hope the heat ain't affecting your wife too much

[BUCHANAN, spoken]
Oh, she don't complain about the weather
But I'm sort of jittery
In case, you know

[MRS. JONES, spoken]
Honest, the way the men carry on nowadays
You'd think it was them that was havin' the baby

[BUCHANAN, spoken]
Well, in a way, I think it's harder for the man

[MRS. JONES, spoken]
Oh, ha ha ha ha ha

[BUCHANAN, spoken]
No, I mean it
(sung)
When a woman has a baby
Assuming that she can
She shouldn't overlook the fact
It's awful hard on a man

[MRS. JONES, spoken]
He's like another one of those nervous fathers

[BUCHANAN]
That's the way it is with me, folks
I'm under a nervous strain
And even though I'm not laid up
I can hardly stand the pain
She tells me all her fears
And nearly drives me silly
She thinks the baby's eyes will cross
And he'll look like Cousin Tilly

[MRS. FIORENTINO, MRS. MAURRANT, & MRS. JONES laugh]

[BUCHANAN]
I cannot seem to please her
No matter how I try
She wants soft-shell crabs at Christmas
And oysters in July
Of course I'm just a beginner
That's why I'm in this state
I guess I'll be much calmer
When we get to number eight!
Ah!

[MRS. FIORENTINO, MRS. MAURRANT, & MRS. JONES]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[BUCHANAN]
It's easy for a mother
To produce a Mike or Abie
It's dad who has to pay and pay
When a woman has a baby

[MRS. BUCHANAN, spoken]
Danny!

[BUCHANAN]
I'm on my way up, baby

[MRS. BUCHANAN, spoken]
Danny!

[BUCHANAN]
I think it's coming maybe

[MRS. FIORENTINO, MRS. MAURRANT, & MRS. JONES laugh]