What If Santa Was A Gangsta Rapper?

[Intro: MC Hammersmith]
Hello and season's greetings
With Christmas fast approaching
I'd be asking myself the question; I ask myself every year at this time
Not what presents should I buy or what's the true meaning of Christmas
But mainly ''What if Santa was a gangsta rapper?''

[Verse 1: MC Hammersmith]
It's Christmas bitches, holy fucking night
It's cold outside so let me warm up the mic
If some naughty whack rappers are wishing to give me beef
I'll make these motherfuckers sleep in heavenly peace
Yeah, they'll be looking frosty when Santa is dropping
Right down their chimneys to hang them like stockings
My lyrics will burn rappers while they ain't looking
I'll put the heat on these plums like a Christmas pudding
You better watch out 'cos I'm about to spray shells
Gun ringing through the night louder than Santa's sleigh bells
Step to my gun, that's a total headfuck
'Cos I'll open fire like I'm roasting chestnuts
I keep calm as people say my lyrics are the greatest genius
Praised, but stay stable like the Baby Jesus
And if rappers hate I'll deck them like the halls
While their ladies will be up all night waiting for my jingle balls
I've got two nutcrackers who'll empty my sack nicely
One's called Holly and the other's called Ivy
These two vixens got me even hotter than a thick fleece
When they say they'd like to lay me like six geese
They'll be sucking my candy cane and licking my Christmas snow
Yule be home alone and wanking under the mistletoe
So as I'm getting basted and gobbled just like a turkey
It's not just Christmas that's about to come early
When I be on it I'm melting your brain
Rapping it fast, elves on cocaine
Fuck all the milk and cookies you leave
I'll be rejoicing with women and weed
Scaring these rappers so much it's implied
I am more frightful than weather outside
So when they hate I will be buzzing
To give all these turkeys a lyrical stuffing
Sitting these rappers right down on my lap
Hand them some coal, give them a slap
Boxing them up with a ribbon and bow
Dashing right through them as if they were snow
Give them the gift of me spitting it dirty
All they'll be wanting for Christmas is mercy
Tell them if they believe Santa ain't sick
Suck on my jingle bell, jingle bell dick

[Outro: MC Hammersmith]
Ho ho holy shit