“What if no one wants our show?”

[BUD, spoken]
Hey, Doug?
What if this is it?

[DOUG, spoken]
What?

[BUD, spoken]
What if no one wants our show and this recording was all for nothing?

[DOUG, spoken]
Well, maybe it is all for nothing
But if this show doesn't happen, well
Well then, Bud, we'll write another one
And another one
'Cause, damn it, we're gonna die doing what we love
But you know what?
I think it is gonna happen
And I think we're gonna be wearing tuxedos
On opening night
On Broadway

[BUD, spoken]
Yeah, yeah!
And there'll be a giant set with real dirt streets
And real animals
And instead of two drunks, there'll be like, uh—
Like a hundred drunks!

[DOUG, spoken]
Yeah, like a thousand drunks!

[BUD, spoken]
Like a million—
Like a million drunks
Oh, Doug
I'm so proud of you

[DOUG, spoken]
I'm proud of you too, Bud
What was I supposed to talk about here?

[BUD, spoken]
Suicide

[DOUG, spoken]
Oh, yeah, suicide
Now, did you notice how in that song
Helvetica kept singing about wanting to kill herself?

[BUD, spoken]
Suicide is an act of desperation

[DOUG, spoken]
That's why it's perfect for a musical!

[BUD, spoken]
Les Mis!

[DOUG, spoken]
Javert!

[BUD, spoken]
Miss Saigon!

[DOUG, spoken]
Kim!

[BUD, spoken]
The Music Man!

[DOUG, spoken]
Shipoopi!
But Helvetica does not kill herself
She stays locked in Monk's evil tower!

[BUD, spoken]
Scene four: the next morning