What i couldn’t do

Apologies to the most high
My decisions ain't been good but it's my only way to get by
Now I question those around me too
Like who are you, and if I died whatever would you do
Would you ever shed a tear or would brush it off
I act all tough on the surface, yelling fuck em all
But deep inside I know I'm breaking
Night terrors when I sleep, think about you and I end up shaking
Been a minute, since we texted
Probably off with another dude, I try to stay unaffected
Leaving me in the back of your mind
I wasn't worth your damn time, always end as nothing in your life
All alone, in my room, with all thesе deadly thoughts
Ain't a call come through, thesе cats ain't give a fuck
Stop trying pretend, like you was always there
Maybe back then, but now you just someone who used to care
I couldn't get past how my actions brought these grim results
Now I choke trying to talk, the pressures in my throat
Through these 4 seasons, I'm losing my beliefs
And it's showing on my face I know that they all can see
I'm just hoping one day all this shit will get better
Be on top the world counting some fat cheddar
Ain't wanna worry bout how this shit is gon' play out
I just need a reason for my ass to fucking stay now