What Does a Woman See in a Man?

He stinks to high heaven, half covered with hair
And grunts just like some old orangutan
While she smells of clean skin and a trace of jasmine
And speaks like a first rate librarian

His stomach hangs out, there's a hump on his back
He eats like Conan the Barbarian
While she keeps herself trim, and her posture is prim
Her manners are quite cosmopolitan

He laughs like a donkey and farts in the bed
And flips cigarettes in the can
But she always acts nice, with no visible vice
Tell me, what does a woman see in a man?

He hangs out in bars and he tells stupid jokes
He seems to think he's a comedian
But she's clever, polite, stays sober all night
And sips on her one Presbyterian

He drives a gas hog like Attila the Hun
And woe to the luckless pedestrian
While she prefers bikes and bird-watching hikes
And sailing and riding equestrian

He has a name like Dwayne or Leroy
Hers is Vanessa or Anne
Hers sounds like a song but Dwayne is all wrong
Tell me, what does a woman see in a man?

[Bridge]
Doesn't she know that she's unique?
Doesn't she know that he's just a freak of nature?
Overbearing, insecure, wanting love but so unsure
Loving her because she's pure

And yet, dreaming of orgies in Vegas or Cannes
He preens and strikes poses Olympian
While she shoulders the cross and lets him play boss
His nurse and long-suffering Samaritan

He brags about knocking the world on its ass
But oh, when the shit hits the fan
She'll bail him out, she's the one with the clout
Only she knows how humankind ever began
What does a woman see?
What does a woman see in a man?