What a Phone Call Should Be

You have to resort to these tactics because many people do not understand what a phone call should be. Or what a phone call is. Ideally, a phone call is the brief exchange of a few vital pieces of information. This is a phone call: "Hey, Steve, what time's the circle jerk start tonight? Ten o'clock. Okay, listen, I'm gonna be a little bit late, you'll have to start without me. Oh, don't worry, I'll catch up; I'm eatin' a whole bunch of oysters and watching a horny movie. Uh, it's called Tarzan Fucks a Zebra. Russell Crowe. Well, it's kind of a fantasy; right now Renée Zellweger is blowing a unicorn." That's a phone call. It should not be a two and a half hour harangue of your third cousin describing her mailman's liposuction. God, people are fuckin' boring. People are just fuckin' boring.