What a Movie!

What a movie!
What a terrible, awful movie!
It’s a crime what they put
On the screen!
I can hardly believe what I’ve seen!

Do they think we’re a lot of children?
It would bore any four year old!
What drivel! What nonsense!
What escapist Technicolor twaddle!

“Trouble in Tahiti,” indeed!
“Trouble in Tahiti,” imagine!
There she is in her inch or two of sarong
Floating, floating, floating, all among the
Floating flowers

Then she sees him, the handsome American
(I must say he’s really a man
Six feet tall, and each foot just incredible!)
Wеll, they’re madly in love
But thеre’s trouble ahead;

There’s a legend:
“If a princess marry white man, and rain fall that day
Then the white man shall be sacrifice without delay.”

Sure enough, on the night of their wedding day
There’s a storm like nothing on earth;
Tidal waves and siroccos and hurricanes;
And to top it all off
The volcano erupts

As the natives sing: Ah! Ah! Ah! Olé!

They go crazy with the drumming and the chanting and ritual dance
While the lovers sing a ballad of South Seas romance

It’s so lovely, I wish I could think of it;
Da da dee da da…
It was called “Island Magic,”
I think it was
Oh, a beautiful song!
I remember it now:

“Island Magic, where the midnight breezes caress us
And the stars above
Seem to bless us
That’s Island Magic, Island Magic.”

Well, in any case, the hero is tied to a tree
(Did I tell you he’s a flyer
Who got lost at sea?)

Anyway, all the natives are crazy now
Running wild with lances and knives;
Then they pile up the wood for the sacrifice
And the witch doctor comes
And he sets it on fire

As the natives sing: Ah! Ah! Ah! Olé!

But at this point, comes the good old U.S. Navy
A-singin’ a song
They come swarming down in parachutes a thousand strong!

Everything now is cleared up and wonderful:
Everyone is happy as pie;
And they all do a great rumba version of “Island Magic” of course!
It’s a dazzling sight;
With the sleek brown native women dancing with the U.S. Navy boys
And a hundred-piece symphony orchestra:

Island Magic! Where the palm trees whisper together
And it’s always warm summer weather
That’s Island Magic

Island Magic! With the one I love very near;
Island Magic, Whispering native words in my ear
Island Magic
Only you, my darling, could weave it
And I never ever will leave it

And I simply cannot believe
It really is mine!
Island Magic!
Island Ma…”

What a terrible, awful movie!!!
How long have I been standing here chattering?
If I don’t get going this minute, there won’t be any dinner
When Sam comes home!