What a Game

[FATHER, spoken]
You'll like baseball. It's a civilized pastime.

(sung)
In a world gone mad
There is comfort to be had
In the game Father played at school
Men of class
Competing on the grass
Where sportsmanship
And fellowship
And courtesy are the rule

[UMPIRE, spoken]
Play ball!

[GIANTS FANS]
Ain't this the kind o' weather

[BRAVES FANS]
For smackin' leather

[GIANTS FANS]
For playin' baseball

[FANS]
The kind o' weather makes a man
Hit like hell!
*Hock, spit*

[FAN #1]
Let's go, you sons o' bitches!

[FAN #2]
Let's see some pitches!

[FANS]
Let's play some baseball!

[FAN #3]
The Kraut is strikin' out again!

[FAN #4]
Schmidt, ya smell!

[FANS]
*Hock, spit*

[BRAVES FANS]
The Giants haven't got a prayer

[GIANTS FANS]
Aah, yer underwear!

[BRAVES FANS]
Up yer alley!

[FANS]
Go back to where yer mother once came!
Hit that ball!

[FAN #5]
Run, you bastard!

[FANS]
Hit that ball!

[FAN #6]
Kill the Kraut!

[FANS]
What a game!
*Hock, spit*

[FAN #2]
Hey, Schnabel! Take your head out of your ass!
I guess that's telling him, huh?

[LITTLE BOY]
Hey, Schnabel! Take your head out of your—

[FATHER clamps his hand over LITTLE BOY'S mouth.]

[FATHER]
At Harvard
We were gentlemen
Men were gentlemen

[FANS]
So's yer sister!

[FATHER]
We called each other "Mister", and—

[FANS #5 & #7]
Doyle, ya suck!

[FATHER]
Don't listen!
Our games were very quiet
We'd never riot, we'd—

[FANS #4, #8, & #9]
Eat that baseball!

[FATHER]
The worst we ever said would be—

[FANS #3 & #6]
Run, ya schmuck!

[FATHER]
Don't listen!
Now here's this noisy rabble
This foreign babble
Who let this happen?
There's hardly one American name!

[FAN #10]
Yah, Herzog!

[FANS]
Hit that ball!

[FAN #11]
Stupid Polack!

[FANS]
Hit that ball!

[FAN #8]
Kill the Kike!

[FANS]
What a game!
*Hock, spit*

It's Braves and Giants, two to two
The pitcher's name is Hub Perdue
Jack Murray's now
Up at bat...
*Ball crack*

[LITTLE BOY stands up. He knows what will happen next. FATHER realizes with a start the ball is coming right at them. LITTLE BOY holds up his hand and catches it.]

[FANS]
My God, would somebody look at that!

[FATHER, spoken]
My son!

[FANS]
Ain't this the kind of weather
To get together and

[FAN #6]
Bash his teeth in!

[FANS]
The kind o' weather makes a man
Hit like hell!
A fine, upliftin' atmosphere
Bring yer children here
Teach them baseball
The game all true Americans
Do damn well!
It's like the Constitution
The institution
Of dear ol' baseball
Where every man is treated the same!
Kill that Mick!

[FAN #1]
Run, you Polack!

[FANS]
Strike the Kike!

[FAN #2]
Kill the Kraut!

[FANS]
What a—
What a—
What a—

[LITTLE BOY, spoken]
Up yer alley!

[FATHER, spoken]
Edgar!

[FANS]
Game!
*Hock, spit*
Yeah!