“Welcome to Monday Nyquil”

"Hello everybody and welcome to Monday Nyquil, where the big boys play with each other. I apologize for the balloons, but I had to fire the pyro technician guy because he didn't show up. I did it over the phone no less, but I had to fire him. OK, where the big boys play with each other, on my right as always, Bongo, Bongo, how you doin'? Ok, The Brain couldn't be here tonight, he's not where he's supposed to be, he couldn't be here, so I had my secretary leave a message on his answering machine, and when he calls me, I'm gonna fire him just like I fired Austin, because that's the way I deal with people. I'm not a very brave man, and that's the bottom line. Okay, big show tonight. If you're watching another channel, come over here. If you're thinking of watching another wrestling promotion, come over here because this is the only one that's live. Big main event tonight, never before seen on TV, the most dangerous match in the world and you're going to see it right here on Monday Nyquil. Bottle of Geritol on a pole match. The most dangerous match in the world, you're going to see all the old codgers in our organization, and they're going to be scrapping around, using their walkers, trying to keep their dentures in, and they're going for it, because this is the hottest show on TV. Brother, this is the bottom line. We're Number One. I repeat, I already fired The Brain over the phone and oh yeah this is where the big boys play with each other. Oh yeah, did I tell you that we're Number One. Ok, the cameraman's telling me that we got to go to a break. I'm gonna tell you right now, I don't know the names of any of the holds, but I'm gonna sit here and fumble around and bumble around. If I put you to sleep, if I DON'T put you to sleep, the matches probably will. Bear with us, because we're LIVE!"