Hellmouth Sunbeams
Hellmouth Sunbeams
Hellmouth Sunbeams
Tigerbeams & Hades Tigers & Hellmouth Sunbeams
Hades Tigers
the garages
the garages
The Wild Low Clubhouse Singers & Boston Flowers & & Houston Spies & Hellmouth Sunbeams & Miami Dale
Mexico City Wild Wings
New York Millennials
Kansas City Breath Mints
Kansas City Breath Mints
Baltimore Crabs
Baltimore Crabs &
Baltimore Crabs
Baltimore Crabs
Boston Flowers
Philly Pies
Tokyo Lift
Tokyo Lift
Tokyo Lift
Chicago Firefighters
Chicago Firefighters
Houston Spies
Houston Spies
Houston Spies
Hawai’i Fridays
Breckenridge Jazz Hands
Canada Moist Talkers
Canada Moist Talkers
Canada Moist Talkers
Yellowstone Magic
Yellowstone Magic
Miami Dale
Miami Dale
Charleston Shoe Thieves
Hall Stars
Hall Stars
THE SHELLED ONE’S PODS
[Spoken, in alternating voices, increasingly fast over accordion music]
For the first three seasons of Internet League Blaseball
The Crabs were a comically pathetic team
I mean, really terrible
And worst of all, we were only moderately fast
In Season Four, thanks to star hitter Nagomi Mcdaniel
We were playoffs contenders until the end of the regular season
But it still wasn't enough. We were still too slow
Then, in Season Five, evеrything changed
For the first time in Crabs history, wе played in the postseason
We were knocked out in the first round, but that didn't matter
Things were different this time
This time, during the election
The Crabs won 'Zombies, Run! Presents Horde Hallucinations'
Improving their Baserunning by 17%
Today, the Baltimore Crabs
Have the highest baserunning of any team
At an average of four stars per player
Had we attempted it in Season Four, or in Season Five
We surely would not have defeated The Peanut
But things have changed
We're fast now
WE’RE FAST NOW (OR, AN OVERTURE FOR ASCENSION) was written by Jake Loranger.
WE’RE FAST NOW (OR, AN OVERTURE FOR ASCENSION) was produced by Jake Loranger.
Baltimore Crabs released WE’RE FAST NOW (OR, AN OVERTURE FOR ASCENSION) on Fri Nov 13 2020.