Waves in Walls

[Poem]
I've been counting the waves on the wall in my room
Too soon to view what's left of you
It's not because I'm bored, of course
It's because I don't know what to do
So, maybe framing myself every time I feel attacked
Only lasted long enough for me to want the good times to come back
And love is only a beautiful image when it's sitting in the trash
Or maybe dwelling on the negative only negates the rest
Or cheating death is not the same as cheating on a test
And the only right seed that can put a bullet in my chest
Possibly too self-righteous to even slightly suggest
There's a presence in these walls and my flaws can entirely attest
I know it's easy to look at someone who's crazy and not know what to do
But if you didn't have something this vital and you wanted it, I promise, you'd be crazy too
'Cause the world sometimes feels like it's not a safe place
Like you're forced to be born and then told you're gonna die someday
Or maybe the lights were left on, but God has moved on
And walked into the kitchen nook to book himself another three-night stay
No, Jesus, forgive me, I don't know where to go from here
Losing someone I love out of death and then losing myself out of fear
To all the people relying on a miracle who are still miraculously here
There's no way you don't matter because your family is here
So, bury a light so someone else can dig it up
It's enough just to know
I can barely handle this love
Bury a light so you won't have to cling onto your past
Just a dash and a splash more to mix in until you never have to drink it again
And you can always come back
I got a text message from a friend
He said his mother was dead
He said, "She still said we could drop the crystal meth off in Calexico and grab a bite to eat in El Centro, head down to Blythe and smoke a pack of cigarettes until we're left with nothing but crushes and menthols"
And then she said, "I'm sorry, but that's just how this spiral goes"
But I want to tell you, there's nothing poetic in craving death
There's nothing beautiful about wanting to die
But there's something beautiful about having those thoughts
Honoring them
Recognizing that you're better than them
And then choosing life instead
Because I promise, you're worth having here
Because your perspective is something only you possess
And that's beautiful
It adds a flavor to this world that we wouldn't have otherwise
So I'm telling you now, it's vital that you stay alive
Yeah, you