Waking Up With Kimye

KANYE: Welcome to our show, waking up with Kimye, haaaaaaaa! I'm Kanye West and this is my girl Kim Kardashian. What better way to start off your morning than with our energy, my opinions, and the sound of Kim's voice

KIM: Hii guuuyss

KANYE: Y'all like this dress? I picked it out. This ain't no Kris Humphries basketball wife Kim

KIM: Yeah

KANYE: I turned this woman into an artiste

KIM: Yeah

KANYE: A philosopher

KIM: Okay...

KANYE: An intergalactic icon of creativity, huh?!

KIM: I'm also blonde now!

KANYE: Now give it up for our hen-house family band, the Kardashian 11

KIM: Hi you guys

THE KARDASHIANIAN 11: Hiiiii

KANYE: All playing instruments match to the musical abilities. We got Khloe on triangle, Kourtney on triangle, Kendall on a box of rice, Rob on the Simon, Kris Jenner on the clapping of her own hands. And also on triangles several other satellite Kardashians that I'm excited to meet at Thanksgiving.

Alright, our first segment highlights the latest innovations in artistic expression, it's called "What Kim Made".

["What Kim Made" Intro]

KANYE: Show the world what you created, baby

KIM: I made this, it's a macaroni necklace

KANYE: Y'all hear that?! She just changed the game. Food is jewelry now, haaaaaaaa! Ok, time to bring out our first guest. You can do this baby, come on

KIM: Ok. Our first guest works at the Apple store in the Beverly Center. Please welcome Karen

KANYE: No-no-no-no-now, Karen please tell the people what you do at the Apple store

KAREN: I help customers fix problems with their Apple computers

KANYE: Haaaaaaaa! Haaaaaaaa! And this somehow makes you deserving of the title genius?

KIM: Uh oh

KAREN: Well, I work at the Genius bar so it's just a term Apple came up with

KANYE: You do not deserve the title of genius! You can't just throw that term around! Mark Zuckerberg is a genius, I am a genius, I am a God, Kim is a genius! Tell him about your invention idea, baby!

KIM: Ok, uh you know how the people who wash your clothes sometimes have to go home, but you have a top you still need to wash? Well what if there was a machine in your house that could wash your clothes for you?

KAREN: You mean a washing machine?

KIM: Oh, that's a good name for it!

KANYE: You see? We earn the right to be called genius. Between the two of us we have won 19 Grammies, sold over 21,000,000 albums and won best male rapper artist at the NAACP awards, haaaaaaaa!

KIM: Yay we did it!

KAREN: Um I'm a little confused, I was told I was here to fix a Macbook error

KANYE: Yeah that's right, Kim's laptop broke

KIM: I saw an apple on it so I dipped it in caramel

KAREN: So do you guys need me to fix it or can I go please?

KANYE: Naw, uh you know cause uh, right now it's time for our next segment ok? Our next segment when we take an in depth look at the world of fashion. Frumpy white girl, get up and get next to my fiance cause it's time for "Kim Wore It Better"!

["Kim Wore It Better" Intro]

KAREN: Wore it better? How can you even compare us we're not even wearing the same thing?

KANYE: And that's a damn shame, cause you standing next to a style Titan. Baby, what do I always call you?

KIM: The Michael Jordan of wearing clothes

KANYE: Yeah, ok. Let's analyze the two, alright. Kim is wearing a Givenchy piece that she initially did not want to wear so I had to put her in it while she was asleep. It's sexy while at the same still says "Hey, this girl knows how to read". And uh, Karen's wearing this garbage.

KAREN: *nervous groan*

KANYE: Kim wore it better! What do you have to say for yourself Karen?

KAREN: Well first of all this is my work uniform...

KIM: Ewww work

KAREN: But honestly I don't care about fashion. I think people who try too hard with their outfits are maybe hiding something. Like c'mon dress like a person. I'm a jorts and jelly shoes kind of girl

KANYE: Alright, um, I'm gon' pretend you did not just say that. We're gonna take a quick break, when we come back Kim is going to teach you about Japanese paper folding art of Origami, the art of it, so..

KIM: It's a snowball!