Waking Up Naked

I'm at a party when a kid asks me, "hey you wanna drink, bro?"
Uh, no thanks I don't drink anymore
That's fucking lame
Motherfucker, lame, weak
Sometimes I gotta be boring - so I'm boring
The parties I usually go to consist of coffee and feelings
A few times a week, we sit in a circle and try to piece our lives together
We don't remember them so clearly
Besides, one time, when only weighing 130 pounds
I killed a bottle of Jack Daniel's in thirty minutes
The next morning I woke up in the back seat of my car naked
And neck-deep in leaves
I am allergic to alcohol
Every time I drink I break out in handcuffs
I crap on the living room carpet, and then kick down a door
To date I put three cats on a treadmill, one dog in a cupboard
Do not call me boring, Sir
Once, I forgot where my house was
I was escorted by strangers
Carrying fifty cookies and an umbrella butt naked
But one time I headbutted my best-friend so hard I shattered his nose
And one time I took more pills that I can remember
And accepted I'd be dead within the hour
Don't you dare call me weak
I have swallowed more pints of regret than you pump blood through your body
Tell my father it was boring
To look his only son in the eyes
Tell him if he drank one more time
You would not be welcomed is this house
Tell my mother I am weak
She was failed to hold back tears, driving me home from the psych ward
She would see her son handcuffed to an emergency room bed
She spent four years praying for my sobriety nightly
You will not take this from her
If you offer me a shot, there better be a trigger involved
The strongest I have ever felt, was the first time I said no to a drink
I have said no, every morning since September 29th, 2008
I say no eighteen times before breakfast
One for every step it takes to get from my bedroom to the fridge
I say no ten times before work
One for every billboard that tells me I was stronger when drinking
I have said no more times than I can count
One for every night my family lay awake trying not to imagine my headstone
You ask me the question
I do not hear the words you are saying
I hear you ask me, "do you want to die Michael?"
No. I don't want to die anymore