Visor King

He was the lord of all he surveyed
But he kept his visor down
So as a result he was the lord
Of vertical strips of land

He was a good king
He tried to do his best
But he kept his visor down
Which compromised his field of vision
To the detriment of his kingdom

Visor King, Visor King, Visor King
With your vertically slatted vision
Visor King, Visor King, Visor King
How do you get by with vertical strips
In front of your eyes?

His loyal subjects
They played along
With his keeping of his visor down
Working hard to maintain the façade
That his kingdom was made up of strips

General!
Yes, sire
Where lies the fleet?
Over by the lake, sire
What?
Group… of canals
Yes, right
Near the great wall
What!?
Series… of chimneys
Ah, yes. See you there

Visor King, Visor King, Visor King
Is yours a simple world?
You see things in black and everything else

War came to the land
An invading army marched into view
But the king was ever-vigilant in his tower
So he called his generals and made them prepare

I see 2 columns of infantry
The kingdom was overrun by 4 columns of infantry. The Visor King and his prise had lost everything. He fled to the mountains to visit the fabled Anal the wizard
'Cause I thought you said, "Anal the wizard," just then. You'd never believe it
I did say, "Anal the wizard," I did say it
Right, and I have to play the role of the wizard who's name is anal?
Yes, yes, you're anal
Don't you think that's… Is that fair? I don't think it's fair
It's perfectly fair. You get to play a wizard. You're a wizard!
It's a stupid name
No, you're right, it's unfair because you get to win… And play anal
Dude, I wasn't expecting the wizard's name to be anal, that's all I'm saying
But that's so good. That's what's good about anal. He comes out of nowhere, man
Hmm. I don't wanna… I don't wanna do this
Just try it. Try anal!
You should. You really should. You don't wanna be that old man on his deathbed regretting not having tried anal
Oh, that old man
Yeah
Right
The one we often speak about
Well, anyway, it doesn't matter what his name is. It doesn't come into the story. It's not, like, mentioned or anything so I shouldn't even – Doesn't matter
Good point
Yeah, whatever. OK, you ready?
Yep

I see you have come on a quest
Is your name Anal the wizard?
My name is not important right now
But it is Anal?
Look, do you want to win back your kingdom or not?
Oh yes! How I miss the long, skinny fields of my home
Well then, I shall set you an insurmountable task! You shall need to battle to the death in mortal combat… A knight!
A black knight! Yes!
Nope! A stripy knight!
A horizontally striped knight! Yes!
Nope! Vertical stripes! A-ha-ha-ha
Nooooo!

The Visor King engaged the stripy knight
But he kept his visor down
Which created a visual flanging effect
Making the Visor King queasy

All seemed lost
He thought he might spew in his helmet
Then an epiphany came to the Visor King

Wait, wait, wait! What if I just move my head from side to side very quickly? Ugh, ugh, ugh! Ha-ha, yes! Shing! I am victorious!

Visor King, Visor King, Visor King
Now return and win back your kingdom
Visor King, Visor King, Visor King
You managed to get by
With vertical strips in front of your eyes

And so, moving his head from side to side to side, the Visor King defeated entire armies. He lived on to be a wise, old king, eventually dying of Parkinson's. But that's a whole nother adventure!

Teach us how to get by
With vertical strips in front of our eyes