Up Till Now

Yo
I'd be lying if I said I weren't jealous of Krept and Konan
I thought they might have been the only ones to go and blow and
I was in my own jam, I wasn't bitter cah I knew that they deserve it I was carrying the burden on my whole fam
On the surface I'm trippin I'm getting old, damn
Let me switch the programme, monday and I'm sittin in a vauxhall, shotgun, these bruddas went and lent in through the window with a shotgun
I had a few bills two squares and a coke can... Rah there's better ways to go fam
I'm in a catch 22 cos I could die catch him back and maybe catch a 22
That was a crazy night in Palace, but I made it back home like Zaha
Thinking it could have been my own man, anyway I see an ambulance outside my flat, just to go and reach the top and then I find out it's my old man
Mummy shoulda told man, cancer in the liver ain't a joke what do you mean that you phoned man
And then the bombshell hit me cos I pressed the red button every time that the phone rang
I'm a joke man, so when it hit 3:10 I never left the school gates to go home I took the 64 to mayday, mayday
I couldn't look at life the same way
I wasn't broke cos I never had Giuseppe's, I was broke family never had a penny
I was broke and my mother and my dad couldn't provide, if they died I would barely have their memory
They was always outside, and I was always outside
I don't care who was against me, I saw the money as a means to escape
You might understand that doesn't mean that you relate

I was staying up late mum would make it home late and ask me Hardy what you doing staying up til now
I was riding round up til now, but they ain't never gave a fuck til now
They don't know about up til now, they don't know about up til now
They don't know about up til now, they won't know about up til now

Yo
I was happy for Stormzy I'm not a hater that win taught me I could do it major
Living in Addington where I had an addict as my neighbour
Kinda made the things look meek I'm not a good dream chaser
I remember taking a cartridge just to go and play it in my Megadrive, Sega
Mum found my brother with a cartridge, but that weren't no sega
Fast forward 8 years later, I'm looking for my brother like sarskay
Then the teachers emailed my mum saying academically I've been a gem need to work on my behaviour
Mr Cairnes kept me in ahead of year cos they considered me a danger
I was getting into fights for little things like people getting on my trainers
My feet grew quicker than the budget of the house, that weren't doing me a favour
I did myself a favour Im not the others do the parents never had a paper
Dad was out the country Mum was a carer not a trader
If life was fair I might have cared about medicine or law if not I'd rather take the money it was key, I was tryna see major
The males in my life all strangers I never done these AC's so go and find my ego, I kept it under radar, pain when my mum couldn't cater
I weren't greedy, I never copped Giuseppe's, it wasn't easy I lost every penny
Holders got 10 if I ever got 20
So many drugs still I never bumped any
It's mad that a person I grew up with, when we were so close
I used to run about the block with when we playing footy and we had to use the tops as the goal posts
Was the world tryna get me must have thought I was a belly

I'm just staying up late cos that shit cost up til now
I been riding right up til now, have I ever give a fuck til now
They don't know about up til now, they don't know about up til now
They don't know about up til now, they won't know about up til now

See they don't know
How would they know
How would they know
See they don't know... They don't know
How would they know